NEWSLETTER: "OPENING THIS EMAIL WILL CURE YOUR HORRIBLE PERSONALITY"
This Week:
* TOY - Infinite Superman II blowing scene gen
* BING - the TRUTH about AI, not the Friends bloke
* FESSHOLE LIVE - coming to Scotland in April
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________ ____ __ ___
____/ _)|_ // /_/ _ | "We're hammering nails
___/ _ |/_ </ __/ __ | into our dicks for
__/____/____/\__/_/ |_| web clicks... together"
B3ta email 848 - 17th Feb 2023
Read this out on a sinister numbers station:
http://b3ta.com/newsletter/issue849
Subscribe: https://b3ta.com/subscribe/
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #1
Other than making suspicious stains on the sofa
* INFINITE SUPERMAN II BADDIES BLOWING AT THINGS
SIMULATOR - Monkeon writesm "I like this scene
from Superman II, in which General Zod and his
goth chums cause chaos by blowing. This is my
attempt to make that already overlong moment go
on forever, using random windy gifs from Giphy.
My favourite thing I have seen it generate is a
nice bit of whimsy in which they are using their
super-puff powers to get the washing dry." We
are amused. And if anyone at the palace is
listening, surely Monkeon deserves an honour by
now for entertain the troops for 20 odd years.
https://monkeon.co.uk/general-zod-chaos-generator/
* THE THING ABOUT BING - Simon Willison has been
tackling all that AI malarky where Bing is being
very weird indeed, "This has all got so weird so
quickly. It's like Microsoft are doing a speed
run of every science fiction AI story all at
once, with all of the safety filters turned
off." This is a must read.
https://simonwillison.net/2023/Feb/15/bing/
* FIRST FESSHOLE SHOW IN SCOTLAND - your editor
is bringing Fesshole Live to Edinburgh on April
25th at the legendary Monkey Barrel. Tickets on
sale NOW.
https://www.designmynight.com/edinburgh/whats-on/c...
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: HEBTROCO SPONSORSHIP
Go on, buy some lovely clothes for bodies
Brrr! All this cold weather and you're all still
wearing shorts like it's the middle of summer.
Help is at hand from Hebtro who make sturdy
winter clothes, built to last, and will stop
your leggies getting all chilly. Made in the UK
too, which means they won't get stuck in customs
like that pound of cocaine you just ordered.
https://hebtro.co/new/
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: FESSHOLE
Your confessions vomited up in the confession bin
Each week you spew your lies and half-truths
into a Google form and we pick out a few that we
think Bono from U2 would like:
* TEASPIRACY - "I am the finance controller for
my organisation. The admin team order Tetley
teabags and are confused every time when
Yorkshire arrive. Little do they know, I amend
the PO and remove Tetleys and replace it with
Yorkshire. I will not drink that piss water"
* HR BANTS WANK - "I work in HR; when I
interview I always start the meeting with "Hello
there". If the candidate responds with 'General
Kenobi' they get the job, no matter what. I have
hired three people who were useless purely based
on this."
* IS THIS YOU BORIS? - "I have no idea what my
job is, I just respond positively to emails and
say to anyone copied in 'you should be able to
get that sorted, right ?' They even promoted me
and I asked whats involved. 'Just keep doing
what your doing for more pay.'"
If this is your bag then we pity you, all
894,000 of you.
https://twitter.com/fesshole/
You might as well buy the book, we're not going
to stop mentioning it, it only costs £6.49 and
if you really hate it we might do another for
next Christmas but make it the colour of piss.
https://amzn.to/3EQU6wb
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: SITES IN BRIEF
Some content from the external B3ta universe
* SPAGHETTIFY YOUR CODE - Code too tidy? Well,
no. But if it is, then this extension allows
you to make it a nightmare for anyone to take
over. Run it on your work before resigning from
your job at Twitter.
https://spaghettify.dev
* OLD COMPUTERS ON THE SCREEN - This collection
of computers in TV and the Movies is about 15
years old, but it's been continuously updated in
that time, and we'd recommend a (re)visit for
how impressive it is now. See Dawn French on an
Acorn Electron. John Cleese on a BBC Micro. What
more could you want?
https://starringthecomputer.com
* INFINITE DOMINO RING - bloke builds an endless
dominos loop using Lego. Beautiful and
fascinating. Much like how we find our own
dicks.
https://b3ta.com/links/ClackClackClackClackClackCl...
* THE LADY IN RED by Chris De Burgh performed by
the man from the British Pork advert. Niche
comedy totally aimed at our heart.
https://b3ta.com/links/THE_LADY_IN_RED_by_Chris_De...
* THE WORST KEYBOARDS EVER - do you want to see
a thread of truly terrible and weird keyboards?
Of course you do. Ideal for writing the B3ta
newsletter in a bad mood.
https://twitter.com/mwichary/status/16248864599109...
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: WHAT B3TA PEOPLE HAVE MADE THIS WEEK #2
Other than making their parents despair
* LOVE ACTION BY HUMAN LEAGUE, MISUNDERSTOOD
HORRIBLY - Merkinhead has done more of his
finding people whose names sound like lyrics and
writes "More niche name-punning nonsense for 80s
kids and speed-readers." Still nice to hear a
bit of lads and lasses from the League.
https://b3ta.com/links/Larf_Action
* BUY HAPPY TOAST PRINTS - Chris writes, "I
personally think you should include something
about HappyToast's closing down sale on his
print shop website. Top chap and deserves all
the sales he can get." Yep, go on, buy some of
HappyToast's prints before he shuts all this
stuff down - this could be your last chance.
https://happytoast.co.uk/drawings/
* WATCH FILMS WITH MATT ROUND - he writes, "I've
updated Voleflix with dozens more free movies."
We do like this project in theory but we would
like to be guided through what was worth
watching a little more. What is the most user
reviewed? What does the Vole meister recommend?
https://vole.wtf/voleflix/
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: ONE SUBJECT TWITTER ACCOUNTS OF THE WEEK
Because if it's one subject, people follow
* OLD LONELY HEARTS - Quite enjoying this social
media account that's posting ancient dating ads
from the 1920s or whenever.
https://twitter.com/TheLinkAds
* BEATLES GAGS - Riffing on the Beatles story
where George Martin asked if there was anything
that they didn't like and George Harrison
replied, "well we don't like your tie for a
start".
https://twitter.com/dontlikeyourtie
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: GOATSE OF THE WEEK
Stop sending this in, please, we hate it
Dave Fairding writes, "My internet provider is
either smugly aware or blissfully ignorant of
the associations of their logo."
https://webmail.westnet.com.au/
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: THE RETURN OF THE FRIDAY GAME
Taboo vs AI
This week's not-shit AI project succeeds by
playing on the predictably dull answers ChatGPT
gives and allows you to play a game of Taboo
against it. Quite easy, but fun working out
ways to cheat via your knowledge of how it
responds.
https://taboo-ai.vercel.app
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: FOLLOW UPS
What happened next to some newsletter stuff
* HOW MANY WORLD CUPS DO YOU HAVE LEFT?
rob-frankosonic writes, "My shit idea was
published in the "things we'd like to see"
section of B3ta email 809 - 04 Mar 2022. Now
I've had a go building it."
http://www.duckworthsquare.com/worldcupsleft/
* BARKER'S ART REACHES THE PAPERS - Chris
Barker's art has hit the only publication that
counts: The Camden New Journal.
https://twitter.com/christhebarker/status/16261525...
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: STAR IN NEXT WEEK'S ISSUE
Some ideas to kick you off
* FUNNIER CLONE OF 'COST OF BREXIT' SITE -
wouldn't this be more fun with examples like '
12 billion Daphne and Celeste CDs' and
'1,809,630 Mr Blobby Costumes'
http://costofbrexit.com
* POSH OR NOT - MJ Hibbett (yes, him) asks,
"Please can somebody develop an App called
'PoshOrNot' that tells you whether the annoying
commentator/columnist on telly went to Private
School or not. It could probably just be a piece
of paper saying 'YES' but it would save me
googling every time a new drawling wazzock pops
up suggesting tax cuts."
* WIKAIPEDIA - If you fancied making a rival to
Wikipedia, you could probably spin up AI to
generate the first draft in a day, but then, and
here's the crucial bit: still get humans to fix
the 12 billion errors over the next 20 odd
years.
Don't be a plonky, send your projects to the
Magic Donkey:
https://b3ta.com/mailus/
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: PATREON THANKS
We love all these people. Almost romantically.
*HEBTROCO* *JAMES O'BRIEN* *KATE* *MARK
MCCREADIE* *MR PHIL DONNELLY* *SHOWRAT* *SIMON
JAMES* *STOOBERT*
24-7 DEATH, ALAN CHARLTON, ALISTAIR, BRIAN
EELES, CHRIS BLAKENEY, CHRIS CARLINE, CHRIS
LOCKE, CRISS MORENO, IAN SHEEN, JAIMIE
VANDENBERGH, MARK ADAMSON, RICHARD BARCLAY,
SPAZZCAPTAIN, WENDY GOODE, NAT KING COLESLAW,
ALBERT MARSHMALLOW, DANIEL MUDFORD, CARL DENCH
Ed Zitron, Eugenie vT, Tom Dolan, Tom Wright,
lee burnett, Richard Matthias, @mattdawhit, Adam
Atack, Adam Cooney, Adam Lloyd, Adrian
Woodfield, Al Davidson, Albion Gray, Andy
Storrar, Andy Tillett, Andy Webber, Anna,
Anne-Marie Scott, Ben Watson, Bertram Wooster,
blossomshed, Carl Morgan, Catherine McAllister,
Chris Evans, Chris Shaw, Craig Tonks, Damien
Smith, Dan Stott, Daniel Brown, Dave Nattriss,
Dave Tickle, David Ault, David Catley, David
Gardiner, David King, David Mills, Derek Law,
Dominic Haigh, Emma Lay, Eric von Borstel, Faith
H. Martin, Fiona James, Fraser Lewry, Gaynor
Clarkson, Gia Milinovich, Greg Neilson, Gus
Nicol, Iain, Iain Brassington, Iain Fuller, Iain
Ruxton, Ian Beveridge, Ivan Kelly, James
Donnelly, James Kerry-Barnard, Jane Baker, Jason
Stewart, Jerry Quartley, Jim Dabell, Jim
Frayling, Jim MacArthur, Jim Woodward, Joe
McNally, Joe Simmonds, John Faragher, John
Foster, John Hammersley, John Matthews, Jude
Evans, Jm McNven, Kate Devlin, Kev Adams, Konrad
Petrusewicz, Martin Beer, Martin Holloway,
Martin Peache, matsimpsk, Matt Buchanan, Matt
Drewry, Matthew Collinge, Matthew Forman,
Matthew Morris, Matthew Wilkes, midnightrambler,
mil jamieson, Neil de Carteret, Nick Ross,
OBiW4N SHiNOBi, oliver bewes, Paul Cherry, Paul
Smith, Paul Westerman, Peter Ashtray, Peter
Coombe, peter wouda, Philip Kinchington,
pookong, Rich Pope, Richard Beckett, Rob Mahon,
Rob Vincent, Robbie Lesiuk, Ross Carter,
RossOverThere, Saleem Ahmad, Scott S. Kramer,
sean casely, Simon Cowan, Simon Holmes, Simon
McDougall, Simon waterfall, Stephen Waller,
Steve Anglesey, Steven Smith, Stuart Ashen, Tim
Jokl, Tim Mouncer, Tim Weaver, Tom Crick, Tom
Rees-Williams, Tom Ryan, TownsendsPublisher, Wil
Hadden, Will Goulden, AuntieSash Hazlewood,
Byron Geoffrey Farrow, Chef Twat, Chris Gough,
Chris Whitworth, Craig Turner, Daniel Chote,
Fergus McKay, fourstar, Geoff Tidey, Geoffrey
Balme, Graham Licence, James Macinnes, John
Higgs, Jonty Wareing, Mick Curtis, Rhys Wynne,
Rob Affleck, Chris Saunders, George Preston,
James O'Malley, Martin Davies, Mike Middleton,
Bex Cook, Hannah Chubb, Ben Ward, James Pearson,
Shane McHugh, Stevey Garland, Ciarn R, Craig
Liddell, Helen Gaskell, Christopher Orr, Will
Moody, Nick Morgan, Ben Brice, David Green,
Justin Brett, Louise Allen, Robin, Gavin Tommey,
Stuart Richards, Tobie Fysh, Pete, Carl Mesner
Lyons, Chris Johnson, Emma Sykes, Jan Spielhoff,
Mike Congreve, Sean Flanagan, Tom Freke, Sam
Anderson, Jess Baker, Adam Beardwood, David
Stark, Julie Brumlik, Alastair Dodd, Alexandre
Strube, Andrew Robinson, Andy Candler, Connor
Parslow, Craig Naples, Daniel Moeller, Duncan
STrickland, Harry, Irene Semanchuk, Joseph
Mulvaney, Michael Kitt, Nicky Hewgill, Paul
Topping, peter royal, Richard Speed, Sentient
Meatbag, Tim Beachy, Dominic Le Garsmeur, Mark
Benson, Danny Kodicek, Deny Coughlan, Nick Kent,
Russ Anderson, Adam Kaczmarek, Andrea Vail, Andy
Shirling, Ben Chapman, ben cowell-thomas, Ben
Groom, Ben Sugden, Cat Conner, Centuries of
Sound, Claire Allen, Claire Zolkwer, Darren John
Harris, Dave The Hammer Parry, David Bond, David
Ellinor, Daz Wright, Emily Payne, Emma Nicol,
FuzzyFreaks, Gary Sharp, Gwyn Fisher, Hugh
Noble, Iain M Barker, Ilya olak-Anti, Jennifer
Moquin, Jim Lucking, John M, Jon Bounds, Lee
Ball, Louis E, Lyra Jay, Marc Lindberg, mark
madgwick, Matt Carr, Michael Bryan, Mr Flibble,
Neil Ives, Nick, Nigel Ford, Oli, Paul Bayfield,
Paul Slade, Peter Wood, Phil Barns, Rachel
Tougas, Richard Abraham, Richard Midwinter,
Robert Purkis, Robert Simpson, Rohan, Sam Brown,
Seirian Hanner, Sham Courtney, Simon Lumb,
Stephen McAuley, Stewart C. Russell, Stphane,
Swedemason, Ted Bowyer, Thepfy, Tim Polglase,
Tom Clark, Tony East, wigglywigglyworm, Adam
Tickner, Al Napp, Andrew Harris, Bobod, Chris
Ward, Jace Otting, James Meers, John Griffiths,
Paul Mancini, Rob Potter, Tanya Kant, Victoria
Wood, Graham Freeman, Caroline Kahn, Matt.
EDITORIAL THANKS: Monkeon & Matt Round
additional links; HappyToast for image challenge
help; and Dr Dunno for extra support. Proofing
by Kat E. Thanks Kat. (You're welcome - Kat)
And thank you to newish Patreons Ben Rout, Tim
Clarke, Simon Balch, Clemence Saussez, Derek
Colley. Martin Pritchard, Stephanie Wissinger,
Dion Ashton and Paul Blanchard. Thanks to EVEN
NEWER ONES: Fadgebadger, Mark (Mavis), Joshua
Rackstraw, Mike Stringer, Eliot Beer, Harri
Bionic, Chris Lindley, Stuart B, Jon Morris
Smith, Daniel Malbon, James Heaver and Phil
Lovell. And further thanks to newer ones: Ben
Oliver, James Wise, Claire Turner, Omnipiss,
Lindsay Mclaughlin, Mellyfish, Simon Edwards,
Dave Wong & Stafford Lawrence. NEWEST - special
love to NEW PATREON Phillip Spowart. NEW NEWSEST
- extra love love love to si Jobling & Daniel
Calvin. And bonus new love to Douglas Pennant,
Roy Santos & Will Thompson. We love you. OH GOD,
and more bonus love to Alex Collin-Oakley, Phil
McGuire & Paul Blanchard - you sexy people. And
Mike Powell and Damion Brown and Ross Carter and
PJ. Ooooh and John Daly. Oooh oooh ooh and Rich
Corcoran. Love you. And a special thank you to
the super generous Paul Topping. And a thank you
to the return of Carlos Fandango. Much
appreciated Carl. OOH AND NEW ONES! Alistair
Murray Swodeck, nevillebartos, Blargity Blarg
Blarg. YAY! Oh and more thanks to Ian Walker,
Attila Eros, Calanish and Mike Wolcom. WE LOVE
YOU. And new new thanks to Dale Goodall, Gillian
Parrot, Albion Gray & Gary Alan Norton. Thank
you, you kind humans. And... Leighton Stevenson,
Ben Cowell-Thomas & Phil Bennett. Thx. BONUS
THANKS: Gillian Parrott, Funny_hat & Gub~gub.
And do please donate as you get occasional
"bonus" content. Maybe.
https://www.patreon.com/b3ta
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: AH FUCK IT, BONUS FESSHOLE
"I live alone & when I moved into my apartment
the bloke opposite made it clear he fancied me,
I wasn't interested but when he asked me in for
Thai food I saw it as an opportunity to take a
photo of his WIFI box. It's been over 2 years
now, he's clueless & saved me about a grand."
