Cheap TatOneEyedMonster remindes us about the crap you can buy in pound shops: "Batteries that lasted about an hour and then died. A screwdriver with a loose handle so I couldn't turn the damn screw, and a tape measure which wasn't at all accurate."
Similarly, my neighbour bought a lawnmower from Argos that was so cheap the wheels didn't go round, it sort of skidded over the grass whilst gently back-combing it.
What's the cheapest, most useless crap you've bought?
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chthonic, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 7:26)
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Tat bought for meTo be fair, not all tat, and well intentioned but....
at least two 'Multitools' where the handles get sharper at the exact same rate as the blade goes blunt. Mucho ouch. Complete with the pliers that have the gripping power of an anorexic gerbil's paw, philips head screwdrivers in the shape of a swastika, and all in all guaranteed to go "Spoinnggg!" at a critical moment and drive shards of alleged steel through your eyeballs.
And the mini version that is supposed to go on your keys which cunningly unfolds in your pocket and either rips the lining to buggery and beyond or stabs/nips your tender flesh. Personally, most of my favourite bits are kept in close proximity to my trouser pockets and I prefer them non-perforated.
And then the kitchen stuff - not tat at all, lovely high quality products, but how often do you need a novelty gherkin fork? A strawberry huller? A banana slicer? A crab cracker? Authentic Thai ginger squishing thingy? Non-smelling garlic slicing thang? Honey dippers? Obscure wire thing for oh I dunno, preparing edible dormice for Roman orgies? I mean, I love my fambly to bits, and I love to cook, BUT STOP IT IN THE NAME OF SANITY. I HAVE A KNIFE!!!!
Hundreds of the things in fact, thanks to you bastards. Stop giving me ocelot-filleting blades. Or mushroom collecting knives. Or ninja sushi knives.
As for the sake set, fifteen authentic chopstick sets, those wee bowls for the soy sauce, authentic Calvados glasses, Port pipes....
(Sobs)
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 13:38, 4 replies)
Have a............click
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:14, closed)
Over-engineeredI was once given a tequila slammer set consisting a small salt shaker, two dinky little saucers with pictures of lime wedges ans accompanying fork things (like those used to eat corn on the cob, but smaller) with plastic limes on the ends.
Firstly, it's not really in the spirit of the slammer to have specialised fiddly implements to do it with, then, who's fucking bright idea was it to introduce sharp pointy implements and delicate china to people getting royally bladdered on Tequila?
Don't forget the odd shaped bottles of vile tasting chilli oils etc.
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:30, closed)
Aaarrggh not the 'foodie' gifts!Dear Mr/Ms/Other Greencloud.
I had successfully moved the memory from my addled brain and the guilty items to the back of the cupboard that time forgot...
Purple Yam mash
Cannibal Relish (quite nice this one)
Korean Kimchee
Dipping spice mix that tasted like ermm vaguely spicy stale gravel
Preserved desert glace limes. Why? Just why?
Chilli sauce so volatile that COSHH regs were broken
Obscure (for a reason) marinades
Stuff in jars reeking of deceased fish
'Decorative' Oil/Vinegars
'Decorative' bottles of oil with what closely resembles a velociraptor foetus floating within
That's just the current stock...
(, Fri 4 Jan 2008, 14:43, closed)
is it just me.....but i want ninja sushi knives, and that chilli sauce
(, Wed 9 Jan 2008, 16:18, closed)
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