You know those magical vacuum-seal corks you can get for wine bottles?
They're little one-way valves that you pop into the neck of an open bottle, and you tug away with the supplied hand pump and suck the air out to create a vacuum and keep the wine fresh.
Whatever you do, don't hold them against your forehead and suck them to your skin before quoting Shrek. Yes, it amuses children, shouting "DONKEH!" at the top of your lungs with knobbly protrusions jutting forth from your bonce, but when you pull them off and discover red marks where the blood has pooled it's far less amusing.
Hence my sig of the last week.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 4:07, 2 replies)

Excellent
I remember a friend at school covering his face in perfectly circular bruises with one of those little toys that's like half a rubber ball - you turn it inside out and it pops off the table top after a few seconds. Yeah, they also will do terrific suction on the skin...
( Olembe Refuses to write in this space, Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:17, closed)

weird...
I'm working backwards through the questions, just left this comment above:

www.b3ta.com/questions/childishthings/post522673

Do I know you?
(Spidge New sig needed, donations gratefully accepted., Fri 18 Sep 2009, 10:43, closed)