Shameful *heavily edited* Pea-Roast
It was without doubt one of the best, yet simultaniously worst times of my life.

The Scene: School. A picturesque lakeland town, where a few holiday houses were situated.
Spotted one day, sat on the wall was a lass who quite blatantly was not from the area.

I was 15, Bold, and had nothing to do all afternoon. Introductions went well, the afternoon went like a breeze; after agreeing to meet the next day we part with a kiss. Sorted.

Next evening we're sat on a hillside looking out over the town, gently fiddling and cuddling, and the following conversation ensues.
"Penny for your thoughts" drops off my lips.
"Sex" says she.
After mentally running a victory lap of the world, I delve deeper, both physically and mentally... "Be more specific"
"I'm Wondering what sex would be like with you"
*another victory lap.... this time with WOO and YAY on a banner*
"Couldn't say", says I trying to be mature, "Never done it, so I have no idea if it's be good" *pats self on head for smoothness*
"Well, I have no idea either... but we could find out....."
*My victory-lap-running metal figure went into overdrive*
Smart-arse here has a rug, and rubber with him... so suggests we toddle off into the woods...
"No" says she... "I have to go talk to my mum first"
No probs.. she's obvously gonna say "Off for a walk with Humpty Mum.... back in a bit"
"Sure" says I. "I'll meet you back here"
"No, You're coming with me"
*Eeeep* We walk to the cottage, and she rings the doorbell.
Mum "Hello L, Where've you been"
L "hi mum, this is Humpty, we've been for a walk"
Mum "ahh. That's nice"
L "Mum?... We're going to go and have sex"
At this point, I nearly lost bowel control.

The details of what followed are unimportant. Suffice to say We went on for hours, and I hated every moment of it. All the time there was the mental image of her mother's disapproving face, with mine mirrored in her eyes, cringing with horror as L uttered those words. The image itself was the complete opposite of an aphrodisiac.

The words "Hi Mum, we're going to go and have sex" left me stood infront of her sizeable mother, feeling very, VERY small... To this day I think the only reason I didn't run like the wind was because in light of this amazing statement, my brain was too busy melting to be able to galvanise my legs into action. Had I managed to move, I'd have been skidding in shit as I tried to run. Bowels or feet: I'd have only had the mental capacity for one at a time.

Even though I now know that they were the words that paved the way to one of my life's most told stories, It was still terrible.

***** wavy lines *******

15 years later, and I'm now in touch with her over Facebook. Seems as though my terror-fuelled "stamina" earned me a place in history. She tells the story of a 15 year old Stud who screwed her rigid and made her come countless times... I haven't had the heart to tell her that I never came, and that every time I think of it, the image of her mother calmly containing her burning rage comes to mind.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Mon 1 Dec 2008, 7:44, 1 reply)

I gotta know
Exactly what her Mom said after that.
(anotherlogan and the whit he shites, Mon 1 Dec 2008, 20:39, closed)