Jeff Mills
Jeff Mills, in case you don't know who he is, is one of the founding fathers of techno music. From detroit waaaay back in the 80s, him and a bunch of other guys came up with basically what spawned all dance music that we have today. I'm sure there's some other roots behind where they got their ideas from, however, you can be absolutely certain that Jeff Mills is one of the leading pioneers and techno DJs.

Anyway, this particular occassion is the second time I managed to meet Mr Mills. The first was in Glasgow at the Arches, when I was doing a uni project that I somehow managed to twist into involving techno, so I contacted the club and said I wanted to speak to him. They let me, and despite the fact it was never going to yield any fruits (thanks to my eyes rolling about the back of my head), I did shake his hand and notice that he has exceptionally long, creepy, alien fingers.

Amazing.

Anyway, 2nd time round was at the Glade festival last summer. With my good friend Julia, we decided (well, she did) to break in backstage and wait for him after his set. So we did.

He eventually came out and there we were, rushing up to him, professing our love with favourable quips such as, "Jeff, you're the best, we love you" etc etc, going as over the top as we could. He took it all pretty well - I'm sure it was nothing he hadn't seen before. Anyway, we got a photo and off we went with big smiles.

Next stop with Mr Mills the Spacewagon was in London a few months later.

This time we'd printed off the photo we'd got at Glade and wrote a rather creepy poem on the back. It went something along the lines of,

"Jeff, your beats are crystal clear,
rest assured we're always near,
so near,
so near,
oh dear.
We love you forever and ever."

We then framed the photo, replete with poem and got ready for the big night.

Absolutely spannered, and in peak time in a club with about 2000 people being blasted in the main room by big subby, dischordant beats, Julia decides the moment has arrived to present Jeff with his trophy, so she blags her way past security and proceed to go an all fours across the stage, clawing at his legs to get his attention.

The wonderment of security staff alone was a sight to behold, let alone Julia swiping wildly at Mr Mills as he's battering out techno across 4 decks and a million other pieces of spaceship tech.

Eventually, the retrieve Julia who returns, mission definitely not-accomplished.

Anyway, the gig comes to an end and we hang about. Security are by this point definitely not keen on us talking to him, and tell us he's not coming to speak to anyone after. So we convince the guy to at least give him the picture and finally off he trots to do his duty.

Jeff gets the picture, looks at it, smiles then looks at us and waves. Woo! Result!!

Then he comes down off the stage to come say hello! Woo! Result again!

Cue another photo, a bit of chat into which (I'm particularly proud of this) I managed to look him in the eye and tell him, "Jeff, apart from my mum, you're the most awesome person in the world."

"Oh right, thanks" he said. I like to think he was properly worried at this.

Anyway, that was that and the lengths we went to show our devotion.

The next occassion Jeff was in town was to showcase some old soundtrack he did ages back, only this time he'd made some crappy visuals on windows movie maker or something. It was pretty banal, and the interview in which he tried to make it all sound academic was also pretty contrived, although it was highly amusing watching the rather inexperienced interviewer try and boost the whole thing into the realm of intelligent academia and Jeff try to pad out his answers as much as possible.

For example, one of the tunes was made with the idea in mind of having the grooves on the vinyl accurately represent the real distance between the rings of Saturn (the title of the "art" showcase). Too much acid, methinks.

Anyway, all this and some equally serious questions from the audience and the interviewer finally got a microphone handed to me to ask my question.

I stood up, and bared my t-shirt (onto which was printed the photo of us from our last meeting along with multiple images of jeff's head and in big letters on the back "We you Jeff!"), and I said, "Thanks for coming and the show was really interesting.. your visuals had a lot of bite, and the sound really gave our ears something to chew on. My question is, what is your favourite toothpaste?"

Again, I am particularly proud that Jeff sat in his suit and tie in front of this audience and literally took several takes before stammering out, "Crest..?".

Again, satisfaction. We even got our t-shirts signed afterwards. What a champ... I do love Jeff, so I do....

And he's coming back on May 15th. Any suggestions for how to take it to the next level anyone?
(ComradePotato, Fri 17 Apr 2009, 23:48, 2 replies)

Find a film prop maker...
... and get some latex Jeff Mills masks made.
(gordonjcp, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 0:19, closed)

Possibly something involving rope
and a shack in the country.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Sat 18 Apr 2009, 0:28, closed)