Reminds me ...
I had a history teacher at secondary school who was teaching us about the Masai in Kenya, explaining that they had such healthy looking skin because they washed themselves with vegetable fat, which, he added, is essentially soap.
"Fat=Soap=Huge strapping glowing fuckers with spears? Fuck me, that's a winner" I thought.
As soon as I got home I got the Flora out of the fridge and smeared my whole face with it, thinking I'd immediately develop the swarthy virile sheen of a West African tribesman.

Funnily enough, I just looked like a really shit piece of toast. And my mum bollocked me for wasting good spread.
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 8 May 2009, 13:52, 1 reply)

Haha
"Shit piece of toast".
( Throat And Ice Pie I see dem tatties dere., Fri 8 May 2009, 21:47, closed)