Kids. Or sometimes you're the mind-fuckee instead of the mind-fucker.
I'm the proud father of a couple of beautiful intelligent girls. As any parent will tell you - despite coming from the same genetic stock, your kids can show marked and immense differences in brain-power, physical abilities and looks. Case in point. Both my girls are fairly smart but the youngest definitely was in the correct line when God was handing out brains and asked for a big one. I'm pretty sure the eldest thought God was talking about hair and asked for "Blonde, please."
Put it this way, when it came time for my missus and I to do our Enduring Powers of Attorney and Living Wills we made sure that we stipulated that the youngest was in charge when it comes to finances and where we end up if we go to a home. A bit less compassionate but a much smarter and more practical head on her shoulders.

Here are a couple of examples of my eldest in full flight.

Driving home from the library (or shops or whatever) in my car. My car is a reddish almost burgundy stationwagon. Quite a unique colour but a brilliant car - great mileage, plenty of room in the back for all things work and play based and an extra set of fold-down seats in the boot for play-dates/movies etc. As we crest the hill before the turn off for our street a sedan of similar colouring passes us by. As we pull into our driveway my eldest chimes in with
"Hey dad?"
"Umm, yes dear."
"Was that your car we just passed?" she asks.
Stunned silence as me, my wife and my youngest try to compute how our daughter/sister has wondered if we just drove past the very car we are sitting in...

In summer we get some flies. Not plague proportions and nothing that a few spools of flypaper can't handle but a couple of years ago I got a couple of cheap plastic fly swats for the girls to go nuts with. Usually ended up in tears after a fly-swat battle ensued.

A few weeks ago the older asks me
"Hey dad..."
"Yes dear?"
"Where's that, umm thing?" Not a rare occurrence in our house.
"What thing dear - use your words." Not a phrase infrequently said in our house...
"You know the hitty thing." Hitty thing?
"Umm, no. what hitty thing - use your describing words my dear."
"You know the animal hitty whacker thing."
We seem to be slowly getting somewhere. "No, sorry what thing do you hit animals with?"
"You know" she sigh exasperatedly, "the flying animal killer thingy." as she swings her arm as though she was returning a Venus William's serve.
"I think she means the fly-swat" chips in the younger.
Ahhh. *Sound of penny dropping*
"Dunno, use your eyes my dear."

I suppose these mindfucks they give me almost but not quite make up for me periodically telling them they're both adopted.
(shitposter from the anals of posteriority on, Sun 19 Apr 2015, 1:55, Reply)