Going to the pub with my mates
entailed ordering a round of drinks of which half were non-alcoholic and discussing such topics as the jubilee, teacher's pay grades and employment prospects, the balance of flavours in homemade wonton, double glazing, wedding planning, kabaddi and sumo on Channel 4 in the nineties and why there was a cat sat on a bar stool at the bar apparently waiting for a pint to be poured. Got home by 11:30 feeling knackered.

Whoop de fucking doo. It's a far cry from being in your twenties standing forty deep at the bar screaming 'humourous' obscenities at your friends whilst necking a pint of Stella with a whisky chaser and failing miserably to chat up the blonde doing her best to back away slowly towards the door.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 11 Jun 2012, 14:15, 3 replies)

Why was the cat on the bar stool? Was it real?
This is hell and makes true the saying "The older I get, the better I was".
(boozehound is drinking your bar dry, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 3:14, closed)

And was the cat drinking milk or alcohol?
...I mean, a pint is a lot of liquid for a cat. He must have been a fucking big cat. Or he must have been very "milk fit" to down a whole pint in one sitting.

Maybe it was his weekly milk allowance, all in one go. And where would he keep his money? Like, cats don't have pockets, unless his friend, Mrs. kangaroo came along with him to help out and carried all her change around in her pouch. So where was she? Maybe Mrs. Kangaroo was in the bogs, having a piss, while the cat was waiting for her to return, so she could pay for the pint.

No, no, wait, maybe the cat is shagging Mrs. Kangaroo behind Mr. Kangaroo's back, and they have snuck out to share a private moment together in a venue where no-one will recognise them!

But, they don't realise that they stand out like shags on a rock because they are animals, not people. Trap for young players, that one.

Maybe Mrs. Kangaroo has a fetish whereas she likes to have milk chundered all over her in mid stride. Her husband can't deliver, so she seeks out the cat's company, cos he don't care, he's getting a belly full of milk and gets to have some cross-species fun at the end of the night, hence the sheer volume of milk he guzzles before they go back home and get it on.

It always end in tears, she'll want to leave Mr. Kangaroo, the cat is not gonna get tied down and will dump her for another animal with a pouch, like an wombat, or an echidna. Although, echidna's are strictly missionary position only. Doggy style gets a bit prickly. Gotta think about these things.

Cat's got no morals! Shagging someone elses wife (and a different species to boot!), using her money, sitting on the bar stool like he owns the fucking place.

Fucking cats. Always up to no good.

As for the other topics of conversation, can't help you there, sorry
( Ken Oath, Tue 12 Jun 2012, 4:22, closed)

The barman was pouring a Guinness...
I didn't see the cat drink it but I did note that there was an empty pint glass on the bar a bit later and the cat was fast asleep on the bar stool. I reckon it had a tab so that it didn't have to carry any cash on it.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Tue 12 Jun 2012, 15:24, closed)