Before the days of marriage and kids I owned my own flat.
One summer a couple of mates asked rather than come home from university and stay with their parents, if they could move in with me instead. I needed the extra cash and had the room so I agreed.
They ganged up on me.
I was the only one with a full time job. As I owned the place and owned all the pans, plates, cutlery etc I assumed it was my prerogative to do the washing up when I was fucking ready. They didn't agree. One night after and extended overtime session I came home, threw my stuff down and jumped on my bed. Instead of a nice soft landing I was greeted with incredible pain. They had put all the washing up in my bed.
A few weeks later I left them alone in the flat to attend one of the the summer festivals. When I arrived back I discovered that they had come home from the pub and drunkenly decided to cook some chicken. They put it under the grill and decided to go to bed. Once the fire alarms were going off, and eventually disturbed a neighbor, the neighbor decided to investigate. Seeing a strange shadowy figure peering in through the window at 2am the busy body across the street decided to call the police. The police arrived and promptly kicked my front door in to "rescue" my friends. They carried them out of the house in their boxers. They went in and simply turned off the grill. After a quick check by the fire brigade and an airing of the flat they went back in and went to bed. The next morning one went in to the living room to find the other eating the charred remains of the chicken and asked...

"did the fire brigade come round last night?"

I'm best man to one of them next month and I feel it my duty to mention this tale in the speech.
( Peej, Thu 12 Mar 2015, 20:07, 6 replies)

This is not your blog.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Mar 2015, 21:43, closed)

I don't have a blog

( Peej, Thu 12 Mar 2015, 22:18, closed)

Get one.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 12 Mar 2015, 22:23, closed)

Well Chompy, I feel that though its not quite as exciting as NEWSLINKCHAT and HOMEBREWCHAT
My tale was on topic and deserves to stay.
( Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:04, closed)

i wouldn't
ideally a best man's speech should be funny
( mictoboy shitting in your cunt since, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 8:22, closed)

Thanks
I'm here all week
( Peej, Fri 13 Mar 2015, 9:03, closed)