Emma
I had a decent flat in first year uni, out of the 7 people, 4 of us, the boys, remained good mates and now share a house, with 5 others which is all in all, not bad.

The girls were a little odd, but the worst was Emma.

Emma, the beast. The senior resident who lived in our flat and took her role seriously. At 26 she was by far the oldest in the flat, a big, fat manc lass. I say fat, I’m not sizist, but she was a whale, I’d not have minded, but she wore tops that showed off her massive belly. Every day I’d have to fight to keep my meal down as that big blotchy belly bounced in my view. Had she been nice, I’d not have minded, but my god was she annoying. She was weird with me, one moment, she hated me because I was playing with matches in the kitchen, or being too loud, or having a water fight. In fairness, I was a naughty bugger, but so were the rest of the boys. She picked on me. When I wasn’t the target of her hate, she loved me, fund me so funny, charming and sweet, asking why I didn’t have a girl friend etc. I used to get stuck doing dishes with her, and actually hid a knife under the water just in case she tried anything with me. She was also thick, I mean super thick. Never got the hang of dealing when she dealed for us in poker, couldn’t pass her law course despite having resat 2 years, ever point she made about a story on the news contradicted itself, repeated stories over and over, usually had the same conversation at least 3 times in a week.

Worst thing ever was on my 19th, my dad was in the area so popped in with some booze for me, we had just made up after a bit of a fall out, we were headed to his car to grab some stuff when she came and asked me to fix her laptop, I said I would when I got back in 5 mins. She said I had to now, I told her my dad was there and I didn’t have time. She grabbed me and pulled me into her room, I decided too suggest what was wrong and then jump out, her room was creepy. She had so much un-opened booze, and a shelf full of carry on films. I think she had the lot. It was also very clean, but smelled like take away, every sort of take away massed up and dipped in fat.

Its hard to describe how annoying she was, she made our flat the tour flat, claiming we would get rewarded, so every Wednesday id be woken by a tour of morons talking loudly in my flat. We got no reward. She told me off for playing with fire, when my friends was doing it in front of her, me protesting that she could see it wasn’t me so why was I in trouble. Obviously, I fought back. We pranked her something rotten. We jammed a chair in her door so it woulden’t open. No complaints. We turned the handle of her cupboard round so it woulden’t open. No complaints. Filled the cistern of her toilet with coffee, washing up liquid, squash, anything we could find. No complaints. The only prank that ever got a complaint was when me and my flat mate filled a balloon with water, making it HUGE, seriously, at least 8 litres of water in it, which my friend tried to position on the closing mechanism of her door so that it fell on her when it opened, only the balloon split while he was putting it up, soaking him, sending a tsunami under her door. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen, watching her shout at me made it all the better.

Looking back, I may have been a bad flat mate. Constant arson, setting up a massive catapult in the hall, making a fort out of mattresses, hitting everything with the giant spoon to see what was chipped by it, all in all, I was annoying but fun. I now have a fair collection of sword. So people don't mind.
(Mong goose, Thu 5 Apr 2007, 23:17, Reply)