and at first I thought, all my flatmates have been nice...
PAH! How time, dope and alcohol dull the memory....
skip to the last one if you have a short attention span ;)

Having been a poor lad from a poor family, I couldn't afford to go to uni when I was young. This resulted in me living at home till I was 21. I didn't think this was too old to be living at home until my parents sat me down and asked me when I was moving out (two weeks after I'd gone my bedroom was turned into a gym).
I moved in with an ex-girlfriend and her gay (male) friend. I'm a pretty patient and accomodating chap, so I didn't really mind the music being played at 4am or the fact that her 'friend' woud sit in the front room at night, with all the lights on (and the curtains open) sniffing poppers. I didn't even mind when another guy moved in without any noticed or when I came home one morning to find some stranger in my bed.
What did get my goat is when they decided that as there were no clean cups, plates or cutlery, they need a washing up rota. They waited until I came back from a week away to point out that now I was back, it was my turn to clean everything up, pointing at the new rota on the wall - despite everything being clean when I'd left.

Next chap (and several years later) is a mate of mine and had been for many years. Due to some 'dodgy' dealings (that I didn't want to know about) someone (a total council scumbag) ended up owing him a lot of money. Rather than pay him or come to some arrangement where he could pay over time, he told the police that my mate had held a gun to his face. Cue, my mate being dragged out of his house at 3am by the armed response unit and forced to lie in the road, butt naked, whilst they search his house.
Even though they found nothing, they still took him back to the police station, kicked seven shades of shit out of him and then put him up on a gun charge.
In court the next morning, I managed to get the magistrate to release him into my custody. Sadly for me, he made one of the conditions that this guy couldn't return to his home borough until the court case was settled. So, the court ordered him to live with me.
now, I love my mate. Honest. But live with him? The guy smoked grass all day (can't blame him for that), drank tennants from the moment he woke up till the moment he went to sleep and chained smoked in my house all day, despite the fact it's a non-smoking house as my GF has asthma. Somehow, when cooking he managed to get tomato sauce all up the walls and on the ceiling (and never cleaned it up). One day I even found him in my bedroom, going through my change stash to find enough money for a can of tenants. Another time I realised after trying to talk to him that he was on smack (he did that nodding thing and kept drifting off mid-sentance).
One time, my ladies sister was staying so I let her have my bed. I slept on the floor in his room and during the night I heard him puke up into his mouth and then swallow it again. This happened several times...
It took six months for the court case to run it's course. We now don't speak anymore and he's a crack addict.

Last one - and the worst....
Aforementioned girlfriends sister. Poor wee lass didnt have much money to her name, but had got a good job. She also needed somewhere to live. At the same time my partner and I are looking to buy somewhere. We thought a really nice charitable thing would be to buy the house together and then she could move out after a couple of years and take a little bit of profit with her, getting her self onto the property ladder.
Anyway, somehow we managed to do the above and for three months we all lived in bliss and harmony. Then she 'turned'.
For some reason, she thought we were trying to 'get' her. About what, I dont know.
Examples of her oddness
we were not allowed to make any noise before she woke up. This included things like, boiling a kettle, getting things out of the fridge, opening and shutting cupboards, having the radio on radio 4 (even though it was only tuned to radio 4 on her insistance). all this despite the fact that she never got up till about 2pm. If you did make a noise she would run down stairs and scream at you.
She refused to say hello or good morning, ever.
Flew into a rage if you spoke to her before she'd woken up properly(this would be after 2pm and anytime upto 4pm).
Would fly into a rage for no apparent reason (once she asked me to pass her the tv guide, I picked it up and threw it to her. Apparently I'd thrown it 'at her' and this caused a screaming argument).
Would have screaming arguments with you, then when you tried to talk to her later to resolve it, would forget what had actually happened, make something up and then scream at you about that.
One time she locked me in a cupboard when I was trying to help her fix something (she used to interpret my normal behaviour as pisstaking and sarcasm - it wasn't).
Screamed at my girlfriend and made her cry (on her birthday) as she'd spoken to her "before she'd woken up properly".
She found a smelly mouldy armchair in the road and decided she wanted it in the front room. I pointed out that it stank and was mouldy, but took my meaning to be "you are nothing, you own nothing and you will die lonely". Not sure how that happened, but she screamed at me and cried three seperate times (and this was after I'd relented and was helping her carry it into the house).
Several times I'd buy minor items like gardening gloves, masking tape etc. She would steal these and hide them in her room. If she accidently left them out and I used them, would scream at me for going through her room and stealing her things.
Would constantly complained that we were filthy people and never cleaned up despite (you guessed it) the fact that she never cleaned up and her room was littered with dirty, stained knickers.
Could only cook three things - pasta with tomato sauce, mushroom risotto, and quiche (all of which I hate). As we had a cooking rota, it meant I ate these dishes about 300 times each before she moved out.
She insisted that we repaint the backroom 'off-white', but not any off white. We weren't allowed to just use any as she was an artist (who'd been kicked out of uni after one year). So, three months for her to make up her mind about which off-white to use. Three months!
She refused to speak to us at all for the last two years we lived with us because I was a bastard and my girlfriend (her loving older sister) was a bitch.
We eventually bought her out of the house, but it took six months (three to put the idea into her head and another three to agree on the price).
Now (four years later) she makes like nothing happened. I once made a reference to the 'rowing' that had gone on. She looked at me puzzled and said "But we only had one row"
Yeah bitch, it just lasted for three years.
she did have great norks though and one morning, when she thought I'd already left for work, I found out that she liked to walk around naked when she thought she was alone.

Sorry about the size of that. On the plus side, I feel alot better now.
(EvilMeister, Sun 8 Apr 2007, 18:41, Reply)