pity me
I shared a flat with frankspencer and apeloverage. What with the salacious mutterings and perversions of the former, and the infuriating pedantry of the latter, I almost went insane. Imagine:

Me: Frank, who was the girl you brought home last night.
Frank: Yeah, sorry. She was a screamer, wasn't she? I've been cleaning her ejaculate off my bedside lamp all morning.
Ape: It's not your lamp - it belongs to the landlord. That'll come out of your damage deposit.
Frank: Thanks for that, Ape. I note your girlfriend hasn't been round recently.
Ape: Yeah, I told her that her sandwich wasn't kosher and it turned into an argument.
Me: She's Jewish?
Ape: No. That was part of the argument.
Frank: She certainly had no objection to pork when I last met her.
Ape: You're thinking of a dream you had.
Frank: The one where I shot a geyser of cum up her coal scuttle? Or the one where she suckled my twitching wand of passion?
Ape: You're a wanker.
Frank: She was better at it than I was.
Me: Boys! Boys! [etc.]
(Fothermucker, Mon 9 Apr 2007, 21:27, Reply)