Stains...
This story belongs to my girlfriend. She lives in a flat owned by her parents (she has to pay rent to them) in which the second room is also rented out. She hasn't had much luck with housemates so far as the two she has had haven't turned out particularly well. The first was mental, unfortunately I cannot immediately recall any stories of her. The second was just plain disgusting.

After a long and heavy day doing whatever it was she was doing, the girlfriend returns to her flat to find the door locked by the deadbolt on the inside. No amount of door-banging or phone-ringing could attract the attention of the housemate inside. "Was she asleep?" you may ask. Perhaps, as she later claimed, she and the boyfriend were relaxing in front of the telly and couldn't hear the door or the phone (mobile or house). No no no. The truth is somewhat worse.

They were having very very very loud sex. The housemate's screams and moaning were audiable by the entire block of flats. Even people in the street privvy to the wild monkey sex that was occuring behind the locked door. It was clear that someone was enjoying themselves very much. Unfortunately, in the proceeding days it was my girlfriend who got the knowing nods, winks and smiles (yes, my length and girth can account for this but we weren't together at this point).

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Loud sex, big deal" and you'd be right. It doesn't really end there. You see, this happened at that time of the month a woman may refer to as "her time of the month". When my girlfriend was finally permitted to enter the flat there were numerous blood stains to be found all over the flat. The housemate didn't even attempt to clean up so it was left to my girl to do it. Doing someone's washing up is one thing, but having to clean up her menstrual blood, puh-lease! In confronting the pair about what was going on the housemate's boyfriend squared up to her in a bid to look intimidating and asked "is there a problem?" Twat.

It was after this time that formally friendly relations between the two plummeted into barely speaking terms. The housemate emailed the girlfriend's parents saying she wanted to move out, citing gf's rudeness and "a breakdown in communication" as reason. She was informed that she was being kicked out over numerous breaches of contract. "Noise complaints" had been received about her. Locking girlfriend out of the flat and not responding to the door or the phone was mentioned too. Nothing was said of the blood - perhaps everyone was too embarrassed.

She now has a new housemate moving in soon who I helped interview. Hopefully third time's the charm.

Length, girth? See above.
(Rilux might be pregnant and has bum-aids, Tue 10 Apr 2007, 17:09, Reply)