Minion
Not the worst thing in the world, by any stretch of the imagination, but I did rent a wee room from a guy who's mother owned a house in Leeds.

Neil he was named (I'd bother to change his name for the worry of offending him, but the Cat's name would only give it away) and we worked together for a few months before deciding that I wanted to live closer to work, and living in Bradford wanted out (Who doesn't?!).

He and his stew-dernt Girlfriend (Eat your food, drink your booze, read your books with a 'Johnny five-like' speed) had just adopted a cat from the local sanctury for evil creatures.
Neil loved Star Trek (We all did, just not as much as Neil) and so decided to name his cat for an unseen menace in one episode.

So, here we have 'Minion'. Or fully named: 'The Souless Minion of Authodoxy'.
He was 13lbs of Velocoraptor claws, manky-malting fur, shit speckled starfish, with the bronchial coughing of a pluresy infested whore who hated everyone and tended to bring back 'tokens' ranging from birds that had been dead for many weeks (Decomposing, maggot filled carcasses that he himself wasn't nearly smart enough to kill) to giant dog turds and HUGE rats that must have taken an Army of Minions to bring down and transport to our living room.

When Minion went missing, there wopuld be faithful Neil out in the garden, in his dressing-gown (No matter what time of day) shouting:
"Minion! Where are you, puss? Oh, Souless one! Come back to daddy!"
We lived in a reasonably rough part of Leeds, I had a small amount of street cred that I saw sneaking out with every 'Minion spot'.

When ever you would eat, the cat would sit his shitty (Literally) arse on your plate if you got up for more than a second or were sat anywhere he could reach! (Bad Minion!)

Other than that we had some good times, Me, K-man, Neil, Uncle Jon 'the porn king'.

Then Neil went a bit weired.
Maybe tales of Everquest adiction and Biker-fighting will follow.

Sory about the length...
Never had any complaints so far!
Fnar! Fnar!
(Teesside Arab You can't spell Mark hately without HATE, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 13:44, Reply)