FLUB (fat lazy useless bastard)
this is my first time so be gentle..

i once had a friend called colin, but he's better know in my circle of friends as FLUB or cunt features. he wasnt a best friend by any means, but seemed an ok kind of chap. he was having some trouble at home and needed a place to stay so i offered up my spare room on the condition that he paid rent or was prompt in getting the benefits folk to pay for it. and of course, paid his fair share of bills and food etc. never have i regretted a decision more in my entire life.

here are some of the things i had to put up with in the month that he stayed with me:
- chip papers and take away trays constantly littering the living room and kitchen as he was too lazy to cook for himself (he was about 19 stone too..)
- him taking AGES in the bathroom to get ready to go out etc. but he STILL smelt bad so god knows what he was doing in there.
- he ate all my good food so i sent him up to tescos to do some shopping to replace it. he came back with a jar of whelks, some frozen chips, squeezy mayonaise and a loaf of tesco value white bread. none of which i eat.
- constantly begging me for taxi fare as he was too fat to walk anywhere and thought he was too good for the bus or train even though he was skint. he never got any money out of me though.
- when he finally did get some money through from the benefits people he decided to spend it on taxis and clubbing with his mates and i didnt see a penny.
- used my pc and filled it up with porn dialers and spyware, somehow managed to find my hidden folder of rauncy pics and emailed them to all his friends. i nearly burnt it and bought a new one it was that bad.
- confessed he was in love with me after a week even though i already had a boyfriend and ignored him most of the time. he then proceeded to follow me pretty much everywhere i went, even on nights out with my friends. when confronted about it, he would just come up with some lame excuse that it was a coincidence or he needed to ask me something but my phone was switched off.. well duh, of course it is because the bugger wont stop texting or calling!

it got so bad that i eventually decided to go on holiday to the states for a while to escape him and told my friends that i wanted him gone by the time i got back, which he was, as they can be quite persuasive chaps. not seen nor heard from him since thank god.
(diamondflamer, Thu 12 Apr 2007, 15:01, Reply)