Hot vagina
A few Christmases ago, I got given a bottle of mega-hot sauce. The sort where you could dip the end of a cocktail stick into it and the tiny droplet on the end could make your gob incandescent for a good half hour or so.

I'd brought it into work one day and we were trying it out when we'd gone for after-work refreshments: there were some red faces after a few of the hard cases decided to throw caution to the wind and take a teaspoon of the stuff at once.

Later on, in a state of more advanced refreshment, some of us went up to Orchard Towers. Just for a few extra drinks you understand. I was busy trying to talk to my mate and of course the local hookers were coming over and trying to make the usual tape-loop conversation. "Hi how are you". "What your name". "Where you from". "How long you in Singapore". "I love you long time". Repeat.

I was more interested in finishing telling bullshit stories, yet there was of course a stream of hookers trying to get our interest. Eventually a more aggressive one turned up and decided that she's dispense with the usual patter, preferring to just grab my hand, ram it against her minge and grind away. She lasted about a minute before she shrieked and ran off to the bog, and I figured at the time that she'd just given up and decided to flounce off. We stayed for a bit longer and exactly the same scenario repeated itself with a different hooker. Curiouser and curiouser.

But later on when I got home, I was taking out my contact lenses and chanced upon a rather different theory due to my eyeballs immediately starting to hurt like buggery. Even the next day after a good rinsing I just couldn't bear to put them back in. I had to bin the lens-case too. Obviously the earlier horsing around with the hot sauce had left plenty of traces on my fingers, and yes I had first washed my hands after having had highly diseased clunge on my fingers from earlier.

Probably not worth using it as lube...
(airbiscuit last dropped a meaty one in the lift on, Mon 11 Mar 2013, 13:07, 1 reply)

Jesus
If my hand had been rubbed against a bunch of hookers minges I'd sterilise the fucker before it touched any of my mucus membranes.
(Brigadier an old boot sitting on a man's face - forever, Tue 12 Mar 2013, 20:35, closed)