I once sent this to GMTV...
...although I guess it may have been read, it was never responded to:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my concern at your interview with Kim Metcalf, broadcast on GMTV at around 8.20am on Wednesday 6 October 2004.

The main cause of the interview seemed worthy enough, to promote the charitable programme to sponsor a child in Africa. While I applaud the cause, I cannot help but think that there are more worthy role models than the aforementioned Kim Metcalf.

Although I am sure that her heart is in the right place, I am not so certain that the same could be said of her brain. I could provide many examples of her insensitivity to the issues at hand, but I will focus on just one - taking a Frisbee ™ along as a gift for her sponsored child.

Does she not see the potential for psychological harm in providing such a gift. After all, do we not primarily view Frisbees ™ as ‘Beach Toys’. We all love taking our Frisbee ™ to the coast on a sunny day. At the very least we play such games in a park, normally one with a lake or duck pond contained within it. Ms Metcalf herself had only just stressed the value of the sponsorship programme in allowing irrigation projects to take place in the under watered villages. And then she takes a Frisbee ™ as a present. I am staggered by the insensitivity. Surely it would serve only to remind the child of the unfortunate paucity of suitable water based play areas in his or her neighbourhood?

As if this were not enough, Ms Metcalf then proceeded to suggest that sponsoring a child would make an ideal gift for a loved one this Christmas. Not only did Ms Metcalf suggest this, which I suppose given her previously highlighted insensitivity, I probably should have expected, but then to compound my horror both of your shows hosts, Eamonn Holmes and Fiona Phillips, seemed to endorse this view. These are people have the utmost in admiration and respect for under normal circumstances and who normally seem so sensible and well balanced. I hope I am wrong, but if other people respect these individuals as highly as I do, we may now witness a rash of well meaning people deciding to sponsor a child in time for the winter season. Sir (or Madam), I implore you to hastily put out a retraction to this irresponsible statement. As we all must be aware in this day and age, a child is for life, not just for Christmas.

Obviously, I write to you purely out of concern for the reputation of your programme and the worthy cause you have chosen to promote and I certainly do not mean to doubt Ms Metcalfs motivation, as I am sure she is not shallow enough to be taking part in this publicity drive just to improve her own image among those that see her as nothing but publicity seeking tabloid gossip magazine fodder.

I thank you for your time. Needless to say this whole event has caused me a great deal of emotional discomfort and trauma today and I trust you will see fit to compensate me for this turmoil. I would happily accept a child sponsored on my behalf as full and final compensation. I would like to call him Hank.

Yours sincerely

Mr xxxxxxxxxxx
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 5 Mar 2010, 10:09, 1 reply)

Hank.
What an awesome fucking name.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Fri 5 Mar 2010, 10:20, closed)