"Dominic Cumt is feeling down in the dumps because everyone thinks he's a right cumt"
Click for bigger (1377 kb)
(Mon 29th Jun 2020, 9:25, More)

COME DANCING


(This joke has been in my head since about 1987)
(Tue 24th Sep 2019, 15:06, More)

Popped into my head - thought I'd put it into yours

(Fri 13th Sep 2019, 11:44, More)

I found the names for 3D shapes a bit confusing so I renamed them

(Mon 7th Jan 2019, 9:40, More)

Been reading old computer mags recently I felt compelled to create my own advert for an imaginary mail order computer games shop in 1985

(Sat 9th Jun 2018, 18:30, More)

What's been in my head since I was a child on seeing this LP
I don't have the skills to do it justice - if anyone wants to animate Lou Reed turning into a truck I'd be very happy

(Wed 9th May 2018, 7:57, More)

I'm sorry but I've made a photoshop

(Sun 6th May 2018, 15:55, More)

Freelancer? Flexitime? Self-employed? It’s time to play “working from home bingo”.


10 points for every one you tick off.
(Sun 8th Apr 2018, 20:37, More)

An important message from our friends at UKIP

(Wed 6th May 2015, 19:55, More)

I've made a mug! YAY ROYALS!

(Sat 2nd May 2015, 23:11, More)

Fuck knows - playing with a comic creator program


Click for bigger (178 kb)
(Tue 29th Jan 2013, 16:11, More)

RIP printmeister - I just received this email


EDIT: I'll FP this thread - please post your tributes here.
(Thu 20th Dec 2012, 17:33, More)

Valin tribute thread
Happytoast suggested it would be a good idea to FP a post of Valin's as a tribute and as a place for you to add your comments. Good idea.

(Fri 14th Oct 2011, 18:45, More)

nooo! don't do it pluggy!


CLICK FOR BIG, AND I MEAN BIG INCLUDING LOVELY 'ELECTRICITASTY' SONG - made by me and Newsletter Dave.
(Wed 19th Mar 2008, 20:27, More)

(Fri 3rd Nov 2006, 12:45, More)

(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 14:59, More)

.


EDIT: Look! People are wearing them too. Here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
(Mon 19th May 2003, 16:13, More)

.

(Fri 9th May 2003, 19:34, More)

.


grrr. the ascii is too long to stick on the board. not fair.

EDIT: Click for texty
(Tue 1st Apr 2003, 15:12, More)

I EAT YOU

(Thu 20th Mar 2003, 18:20, More)

I made this 2 years ago
when we were thinking about starting b3ta. The idea? "Celebrate the best stuff on the web."

b3ta.com/bunny/
(Thu 26th Dec 2002, 21:08, More)

Come to the Party!

(Fri 28th Jun 2002, 14:14, More)

I made this wallpaper for myself really. Dunno what you lot will think


Download 400k png version.
(Fri 28th Jun 2002, 12:25, More)

.

(Fri 7th Jun 2002, 11:38, More)

Coz I'm bored. here is my idea for mantel pies phone ad.


-- a repeatable format too. Lots of dressed up phones making personal statements. And that's what the 2nd/3rd generation of phone buyers are about. Making statements. Yadda yadda.
(Thu 6th Jun 2002, 18:09, More)

would you buy this?

(Tue 30th Apr 2002, 14:48, More)

but i've already blogged it ...
... anyway. I'm very sad. I've actually sat there and counted links from clickthrus from images VS text. Text wins. By a fucking mile.
(Fri 12th Apr 2002, 22:55, More)

with an even more exciting reply
"yay"
(Tue 9th Apr 2002, 14:56, More)

What number will this reach if I promote it to the front page?

(Tue 19th Feb 2002, 14:21, More)

.

(Fri 8th Feb 2002, 10:53, More)

Mini Challenge: Can you make a sneak preview of Jordan giving birth live on the web?


More on the story here
(Wed 6th Feb 2002, 5:21, More)

Mini Challenge. T Shirt Special

(Tue 5th Feb 2002, 6:12, More)

pumpkin
http://www.bethroberts.com/pix/pumpkin.jpg (not my pic. but I like it)
(Mon 4th Feb 2002, 6:35, More)

.

(Wed 30th Jan 2002, 9:04, More)

illusion

(Tue 29th Jan 2002, 10:08, More)

It was Cals birthday the other day. Pep made him this

(Wed 23rd Jan 2002, 11:18, More)

What's got three legs and lives on a farm?

(Thu 17th Jan 2002, 5:51, More)

new apple - a b3ta exclusive

(Mon 7th Jan 2002, 11:55, More)

Jesus 404

(Wed 19th Dec 2001, 10:23, More)

Look. You CAN make it.

(Thu 13th Dec 2001, 12:50, More)

A carbonite whiteley to go with Darth Vorderman (via Chris)

(Fri 7th Dec 2001, 12:37, More)

He'd look exactly like this

(Wed 5th Dec 2001, 9:38, More)

We'll fight them on the beaches (via Sami Eltiti)

(Wed 5th Dec 2001, 7:10, More)

Kitty (via Chad Essley)

(Fri 30th Nov 2001, 7:44, More)

The wonderful thing about tiggers... (via Dave Palmer)

(Sat 24th Nov 2001, 7:06, More)

MJ (via Guy Warley)

(Wed 14th Nov 2001, 9:12, More)

Adam (via Maeve Quigley)

(Wed 14th Nov 2001, 7:36, More)

my type of magazine

(Tue 13th Nov 2001, 7:41, More)

A b3ta guide to make an instant web game
1. download a game engine from flashkit - there's loads to choose from.

2. Stick in some stupid images from the b3ta board.

3. Add sound sound - using google searches like "expolode wav" or "squawk wav"

4. Publish.
(Mon 12th Nov 2001, 7:49, More)

You couldn't make it up


This is a photo from a German production of a new musical based upon the life of Princess Diana.

She's arguing with Camilla Parker Bowles - in German.

Read the full story.
(Sun 11th Nov 2001, 10:00, More)

the other cat in the office doesn't like him

(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 12:57, More)

Is this the tourist guy?


He reckons he is.

Read the Wired story.
(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 11:19, More)

Action Llewelyn (via Guy Warley)

(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 10:21, More)

Tongues
Tom from www.plasticbag.org has directed us to these amazing pictures.







This is the tongue of German schoolgirl Annika Irmler. She is 12 years old.

Has b3ta found it's Queen?
(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 10:07, More)

Slash! (via Guy Warley)

(Fri 9th Nov 2001, 9:43, More)

Lawrence-3PO (via Chris the Hairy)


He says, "...has just realised that the sculpture doesn't go with the wallpaper."
(Thu 8th Nov 2001, 12:02, More)

nice finger lady

(Wed 7th Nov 2001, 11:20, More)

old goths often emerge from their pupal state as snails

(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 10:12, More)

Ali Dog (via Kieran)

(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 4:16, More)

sabrina the teenage bee-aitch (via DAZ)

(Mon 5th Nov 2001, 4:00, More)

inbox image (via Dr KQ)


Thanks KQ. You rule.
(Fri 2nd Nov 2001, 7:17, More)

puppy in 'nam

(Wed 31st Oct 2001, 9:53, More)

fucked if I can think of a caption. can you?

(Wed 31st Oct 2001, 9:30, More)

woof!

(Wed 31st Oct 2001, 6:49, More)

Link Challenge: What are the classic mpeg videos?
We're looking to put together another top 10 list... of the best mpeg videos. You know - monkey drinking pee etc.

What should be in the list?
(Wed 31st Oct 2001, 3:31, More)

and another (via the same chappy)


he says, "Hello, its me 'Fishinsect' again. I just sent you a photo of Pete
'sexcarrot in a warehouse, with illfitting shoes' a short while ago.
Heres another."
(Mon 29th Oct 2001, 14:25, More)

» B3ta Person of the Year 2010

Julian Assange
Vote for this and we won't switch it to some twat from Facebook at the last minute.

Although knowing B3ta I imagine Brian Blessed is probably going to win. Or Jeremy the Horse.

For the why?

* For reminding us of that exciting moment in the 90s when geeks got together and muttered, "OMG. The internet will change everything."

* For living out a story better than any fiction that I've read out in yonks.

* For giving us crazy shit to read. I recommend to anyone who's run a website to read the mailing list stuff that an ex wikileak person leaked from when they were setting up the site in 2006/7. These people are geeks arguing about logos. This is what my life is like - except mine doesn't involve mind boggling plans to change governments using a truth bomb.

* For getting himself arrested on (possibly) rape charges for what amounts to shagging the fans. Long term b3tans will remember the lesson of John [*1]. Never, ever, shag the fans.

* For creating the real world theater that shows us how the world works. Hippies go, "it's a fascist dictatorship man" but when you've got the US Airforce closing down access to the Guardian newspaper - this is literally the actions of fascism. The world has been given a mirror and it's ugly.

* For making me believe that the Guardian newspaper is something worth fighting for. Balls of steel. They should have a tip jar where we could give them money or something coz it's not like I want to buy the actual paper as it's all papery, and paywalls just remove you from public debate, so yeah, a big "IF YOU LOVE US, SUPPORT US" button.

* For being a twat who turns up in comedy rap videos. Osama never did this.

[*1 Name changed to protect the innocent etc]
(Thu 16th Dec 2010, 10:55, More)

» My Wanking Disasters

i've noticed a few comments going, "Where's your story Rob?"
Ok. I set the question. It's only fair I humiliate myself in public too.

I was 13 and full of the joys of youthful self-abuse. Nothing would stop me. I'd have a wank in the shower in the morning. Nip home from school, slip in a quick lunchtime wank. Get home after school, and I'd normally find time for a fast tug in the ad-break in Home & Away.

Basically I'm saying I liked wanking - and here comes the shame.

Me and my parents were in the car off to visit my gran. Things got a little tense - as they do when you're a sulky teenage boy at war with the world.

I can't remember what my Dad said, but retorted by calling him a wanker. I was pretty impressed with myself. I'd never been quite that rude to a parent before.

My mother - to her enternal credit - turns in her seat and goes, "No Rob. You're the wanker."

MY SECRET SHAME! SHE KNEW!

The journey was pretty much silent after that.
(Wed 2nd Jun 2004, 16:45, More)

» Political Correctness Gone Mad

B3ta VS The Mail on Sunday
Seeing as it's Daily Mail week on B3ta, here's a little story from the secret history of this site.

About three years ago a journalist got in touch and asked to use an image from the board to help illustrate the story - I passed on the details to the boarder and it all was fine.

The jouno is very pleased about how this goes and gets in touch to suggest we sort out something regular.

This turns out to be a journalist at The Mail on Sunday. I figure, why not? The boarders whose work gets selected aren't going to turn down the £100 are they? Well, if they do, it's their choice.

Anyway, B3ta getting pics into the heart of The Mail? It's just funny. And sure to go wrong.

We don't mention this on the front page as "B3ta do deal with the Daily Mail" isn't really a story we want doing the rounds, anyway we hadn't - we'd just said we'd informally pass on contact details if they wanted to get the rights to use something, like we would with anyone who got in touch.

So the first pic goes in. And guess what happens?

A random boarder notices, ignores that the image is credited, doesn't bother contacting me or actual owner of the image, they just post on the board that The Mail is stealing board pics. The board then digs out the journalists email address and sticks that on the board too.

So the first I hear of it is the journalist complaining that he's recieved 50 or 60 personal emails calling him a rapist, scum sucking whore bitch, and a theif.

So of course, the one time a news organisation attempts to play it right by B3ta they get a shit load of personal abuse and gives up.

Way to go B3tans!
(Thu 22nd Nov 2007, 14:06, More)

» I met a weirdo on the interweb

This very QOTW came about with a chat with Fraser and Chthonic in the pub.
We were there to discuss "ideas for image challenges and QOTWs for B3ta."

Someone suggested "I met a weirdo on the interweb ..." and I looked about the table and said, "er... I only know you two guys because of B3ta."

There was a small silence, then a bit of laughter, then general agreement that it was a good question for you lot.
(Tue 21st Mar 2006, 2:21, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

The Greatest Living Artist of his Generation
About 8 years ago I had a bit of a turn and thought I'd re-invent myself from a web page monkey into "The Greatest Living Artist of his Generation."

I photoshopped up X-rays of my arse with objects shoved up them. Did an alphabet, "A is for abacus" etc. Printed it on acetate and backlit it. I titled it, "My arse, a retrospective. A retrosepctive, my arse."

I sort to follow on from my fantastically successful first exhibition (er.. Insisting it was stuck on my mates wall, and sticking a 50k price tag on it.) with

* dreams of building a huge wicker Model T and filling it full of cars and burning it. Some kind of protest againts the Oil industry or something.

* a huge statue of me with my bronze cock out in the centre of Wolverhampton. "Portrait of an artist as a well hung man" It would spunk ball bearings on national holidays I think.

* there was definately something about getting my head on stamps. I remember posting letters to friends with my own stamps.

Then I calmed down a bit a realised I was being a pretentious twat and realised I could muck about on the web instead and we don't have to call it art, we can call it bollocks.
Huzzah.
(Wed 28th Sep 2005, 14:54, More)