Time for a display of autistic temperament
To Ms J Shaw Taylor,

I'm sure this letter reaches you at a time when you are particularly busy, what with you touring America after the success of your debut album (with which I am thoroughly impressed, it's absolutely superb). I would also hazard a guess that if I were simply to write to you offering my undying love (read: my penis) then I would not be the first to do so. I therefore write to you with an offer that is not my penis.

I'd like to buy you a pub. I realise this is a strange offer, but allow me to explain.

You see, you're already quite special. You could have just learnt to play a half-decent rhythm guitar, joined a band and been 'that cute girl on guitar' who provides some on-stage eye candy and draws lots of enamoured fans, but is otherwise unremarkable as a musician (cf Charlotte Hatherley, Hilary Woods). But no, you went one better and mastered the guitar properly, so not only are you a very attractive blonde lady, but you play the guitar like Stevie Ray fucking Vaughan. You play blues (one of my favourite genres), you play it better than I could ever hope to, and you're great to look at.

I was disappointed that I missed your last gig in London - none of my friends seemed interested. This might have been for the best as if they weren't there to hold me back, chances are I'd have been all over you like weapons-grade herpes.

So I thought: how can I make you more perfect than you already are? That was when I realised that you had already ticked two of the boxes that were the criteria for 'ultimate male fantasy.' I feel if you also owned a pub then that would tick the third box.

Alternatively, if you ever need a new bass player, a harmonica player or just someone who would happily stand just off the side of the stage each night and gaze at you lovingly, don't hesitate to get in touch.

Regards,

PS I categorically do not have my cock in my other hand as I write this.
(LongJohnBaldry, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 10:18, 2 replies)

Nice one
I'd never heard of this girl until ten minutes ago, but after listening to a few clips online, I'm going to buy that album.

And, yes, she is a cutie. Put a decent ale on at this pub and I might just move in next door.....
(greatoldone Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl f'tagn, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 11:41, closed)

^what he said...
...SRV reincarnated as a fit bird...
( TheMattInAHat has a particular... odour..., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 11:49, closed)