An author's catharsis
Dear fans of my work,

First of all, thanks for the hero-worship, the adulation and most of all, the enormous piles of cash that I keep in a big room in one of my homes. Once a day I go swimming in it. It's awesome.

However, it has come to my attention that some people are taking it a little too seriously. I'm flattered that you all love my ideas so much, even if there is something of the magpie about my books; I'm amazed that I haven't got it in the neck more for nicking ideas from other writers in my field. I knew that everyone would love the idea of any ordinary boy who can do magic, and battles evil forces, and grows up to assume great responsibility and has increasingly unlikely adventures, but to be honest I'm still surprised that it caught on in the way it did.

OK, a few things that I should get off my chest. Costume parties are all well and good but discussion groups freak me out, and once a week is taking the piss. It's even been suggested that some of you are attempting to live your lives according to the advice given out in the book. Get a grip, people! It's a bloody book! A work of fiction! Is that not obvious enough by some of the ludicrous things that happen? Do you really think that transmodrification of one substance to another is vaguely possible? Can you possibly hope to apply the characters' values to modern life? Of course not! Go out and have sex and stuff!

Oh, but don't try to write anything else in the same vein, or I'll sue the fuck out of you.

Yours sincerely,

God
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 14:08, 8 replies)

This deserves more replies :-)
Had me right up to the sign-off.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:18, closed)

Cheers
:-)
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:18, closed)

agreed!

although I did check to see if it was JK Rowling or Darth Vader (QOTW has made me a suspicious ESP)
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 16:09, closed)

Full of win
Have a click
( Snappyuk gets BIGGER with free sample., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 15:54, closed)

Costume Parties?
Huh? Excellent!
(danalan Pretty good, for an amateur., Mon 8 Mar 2010, 18:14, closed)

Yeah, not sure where I was going with that, in hindsight
Thanks though
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 18:16, closed)

um
transmogrification...
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 18:49, closed)

Ssh
They said it in Red Dwarf. It must be a word
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 19:11, closed)

it is a word
but you've spelled it with a d instead of a g
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 8 Mar 2010, 20:01, closed)

BUGGER
Not editing it. Just not.
(Darth Foxtrot A one-man army dedicated to making fetch happen, Tue 9 Mar 2010, 11:31, closed)