Not quite a neighbor per se...
...but bear with me anyway. It was sort of a neighbor in the woods, I suppose.

Last weekend I was in Colorado for the wedding of a friend of mine, and went there with another friend. The wedding itself was bizarre- Luann and Christian exchanged vows taken from Elvis lyrics, officiated by an actual robot (as in, autonomous and electronic and does a good Dalek imitation)- but what was really memorable for me was what came after.

My friend and I had gotten a rental car at the Denver airport to drive to Estes Park for the wedding, and decided that we should go out to the Rocky Mountain National Park. Good call, really- we got to go up to the tundra above the treeline, saw incredible views of the mountains, had locally brewed beers that were incredible, and generally had a fantastic day of it.

As it happens, we were there during the rutting season for elk. In case you don't know, an elk is like a moose with nastier antlers, about 3/4 of a ton of attitude that stands six feet tall at the shoulder. When it's rutting season, the males bugle- a sound that reminds me a lot of the cry of a loon, a ridiculously high pitched squeal coming from something the size of a Buick.

We did the tourist thing of going to a meadow where they congregate and observing them from a nice safe distance of a couple hundred yards, the shrill whine of the bugling carried on the autumn breeze to the crowd of a hundred people with cameras. We watched them for a few minutes, then got bored and tired of the crowds and went to nearby Sprague Lake.

We carried our beers along a lake trail past the outlet, a stream and a swamp that bubbled merrily with the running water. As we walked along we heard a crashing sound like someone going crazy in underbrush, and I spotted a thirty foot tree being whipped around like the branch John Cleese thrashed his car with in Fawlty Towers. "A male elk," I commented. "He's rubbing his antlers on that tree to mark his territory. As long as he stays over there, we're fine. But you don't want to get in his way in mating season- if he can do that to a tree, imagine what he could do to us."

We continued along the path and found a nice bench in the shade and settled in with our beers to enjoy the late afternoon light. We sat talking about all we'd seen that day and how cool it was to see the elks bugling. As we talked my friend stopped me in mid sentence. "Look! Over there!"

"Holy shit! It's a female elk!" I whispered back. "We may need to get going pretty soon here."

Just about then she turned her head, and two young elk trotted over the hill and came up behind her. "Oh shit..."

Then I heard clomping along the path, and my blood went cold. "Fuck! We gotta leave, NOW!" I snapped off a picture and started moving down the path. The elk saw us and started moving faster. "RUN!" I shouted, and we legged it down the path about fifty feet.

Apparently that was enough to get the message through to the elk that we weren't interested in bothering him, and he slowed and walked up the hill where the female and adolescents had gone. He lifted his head and bugled from about thirty feet from me, then started to wander away after the others.

I was still shaky when we reached the car.

On the way back to Denver I had to call my son to tell him about this. I got to the part about this elk in heat spotting us and running at me down the path and he stopped me. "Dad, if this story ends with you getting screwed by an elk I don't want to hear it."

Little shit. I don't know where he gets it from, I really don't...
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 2:48, 6 replies)

A click, mostly for your son.
(Pope Jamiroquai III, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 3:20, closed)

Click
for the photo adventure, there should be more of this on b3ta. But not by Spanky, I don't ever want to see some of his 'adventures'.
Fcuked by an Elk, that would have to hurt.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:18, closed)

You know the saying, "Pics or it didn't happen"?
Well, it fucking well happened, all right. And I'd rather not have it happen again.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 16:38, closed)

you wear sandals like my dad

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 2 Oct 2009, 22:23, closed)

Tevas.
I've worn them constantly since May, to the point where I now have dark rectangles with pale stripes between them. I find them to be the most practical footwear I've ever owned.

Wearing them with socks, however, is the ultimate in nerdiness. When the weather gets cold I'll wear boots.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 2 Oct 2009, 22:37, closed)

to be fair
my dad only wears them when he's on holiday and, as he's 63, i suppose i can forgive him
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 8 Oct 2009, 1:11, closed)