Smelly Cat QVC bargain
Several years back, me and my missus were living in a little maisonette in the outer reaches of East London. We had a cabal of cats, which naturally increases the chances of you losing one of them to death or something more serious than that.

So it came to pass that one morning I went to drive to work in Cambridge and found one dead black pussy of ours, Maya, in the road outside our place. To be honest, I lost it and went back into the flat in a torrent of tears and it was left to my other half to sort it out.

But as we had only a concreted back yard, she charged me to take the cat to her mother's in rural Cambridgeshire to bury. So, I shoved the box with the dead moggy in the back of my car and drove north.

With her mum at work, I decided to leave the cat (still in its brown box) in her outhouse, in order to return after work to bury it in the garden.

When I arrived that evening and rang the bell, my gf's mum answered the door and launched a verbal assault at me.

GF's mum was a QVC obsessive and had received a note through the door which she got when she arrived home saying there was a delivery of homemade stained glass kits or whatever was her current obsession. You can guess where the QVC delivery chap had left them.

So it was that amid all the home improvement paraphernalia, this lady opened up one box to find a rather flattened, goggle-eyed and stinking pussy cat staring up at her.

The young lady and I are no longer together.
(Cough Chutney, Mon 11 Jun 2007, 12:25, Reply)