Invited her booze shy friend along
1991, my pal Gary's 18th Birthday do at his parents farm. A lass I'd been seeing a slightly older girl called Mandy was coming along as my official guest and expressing a degree of subtlety of the "runaway shitwagon" variety promised me the mother of all trysts, but the opportunity never presented itself, despite frequent Mandy teasing.

Now this time was a bit of a low point having recently been unceremoniously dumped by the lovely flaxen haired Teuton, so my damaged ego was being massaged by the distinctly Moll Flanders-esque Mandy who promised to massage even more than that.

Anyway, cue party day and Randy Mandy asks if she can bring her pal Maddy along. Maddy was a lovely lass, but burdened with red corkscrew curls and no alcohol tolerance whatsoever. Maddy was hoping to get into the shorts of one of the partygoers so in her devious and typically female way Mandy had planned everything...

By 9pm I'm nicely buzzing post beers while Randy Mandy is nibbling my ear and whispering a goodly amount of filth in it. By 9:30pm the filth has degraded somewhat, but unfortunately so has Maddy who is looking slightly green.

By 10pm when I should have been boffing like the hormonally challenged 17 year old I was, Maddy was unconscious with an ambulance en route. I mean, by 10:01:30 she would have had ample time to stop Maddy choking on her own vomit!?

I watched the ambulance disappear with both Maddy and Mandy in it, blues and twos going off into the distance. As the doppler effect of the sirens faded I could hear the groans of the shaggers ensconced in a nearby hayloft as I stood there forlornly caressing the smooth curves of my pint glass, evidently not the lady with whom I'd arrived.

Had I then been familiar with the term, I believe the epithet I would have so eloquently uttered would have been "Fucksocks".
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 13 Apr 2007, 20:10, Reply)