Game over on account of lost Broome Pearls.
When I were a lot younger.
I became enamored with a young Japanese lass who lived locally. She was very pretty, her parents were rich and as I was to find out she was fairly adventurous for a young lass brought up in a fairly strict household.

Anyhoo.

1 evening after her parents had gone out we were "fooling around" as the septics like to say and she suggested we incorporate something into our loveplay. "Umm, ok" says I throbbing from ear to ear. She disappears upstairs and returns with a string of pearls.
Now a little background quickly - both her parents were Eurasian with strong connections to the Japanese Pearl Diving community in Broome, Western Australia. She had been born & raised in Japan by her mother's family. The pearls were a family heirloom picked off the bottom of the ocean up north by 1 of her distant ancestors. And aside from being very expensive (apparently about AUD$12000) they were effectively priceless. She was (secretly) on the pill so no protection was used.

She gently wrapped said pearls (unbeknownst to me their sentimental or fiscal value) around my cock & balls (no euphemism) and then proceeded to shove the rest of the string into her front bottom. Then followed a good quarter of an hour of penis-to-vagina intercourse type thrusting. Much of it fairly vigorous.
I would just like to say here that she had been well accommodated for with a fairly hefty bout of cunnilingus and digital excitement prior to the oysters sputum making it's debut.

Eventually. (Looking for a new "anyhoo")

Things came to their natural conclusion and upon my withdrawal I discovered that the string had broken and my sated partner was spilling pearls out of her love-bud.
That's when she told me about them and we panicked.
Que her pushing pearls slowly out of her love muscle while I had turns fishing them out with my fingers and other utensils.
It cost us equally about $200 to get them properly restrung, neither of us knew whether we had got them all or not and about 3 months later (just a few weeks prior to our amicable breakup) we couldn't stop pissing ourselves when her mum wore the pearls out to a fancy dinner at a function.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 May 2012, 7:17, 6 replies)

Which utensil was most effective?
This is exactly the kind of story I like to snigger over whilst sipping my first tea of the day
(sabre32, Fri 18 May 2012, 7:52, closed)

BBQ tongs are fun
but don't work well.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 May 2012, 8:18, closed)

Perhaps we should all keep those spoons with a long stem and straw built in for such emergencies (if I remember correctly, you used to be able to get them with your knickerbocker glory at Wimpys in the old days)
(sabre32, Fri 18 May 2012, 10:25, closed)

McDonalds thick shake straws?

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Fri 18 May 2012, 10:46, closed)

giggle
pearl-diving.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 18 May 2012, 13:18, closed)

ZZ Top tracks
Brings a whole new meaning to the concept of giving her mother a pearl necklace.
(Classic Ray, Sat 19 May 2012, 9:26, closed)