The Bitches Upstairs
Whilst at university, my best friend and I lived in a small block of flats below four girls who claimed to be our friends. A bigger bunch of back-stabbing bitches I have yet to meet; the final straw came when they were in their kitchen moaning about us, not realising we could hear them quite clearly due to the rather shoddy insulation in the building.

We decided to capitalise on a discovery we had made by chance the day before - the landlord had been into the building and had accidentally left the cupboard containing all the electric controls for the flats open. We'd pushed it to, but not locked it.

We had to work out which control belonged to their flat, easily done by flicking the switch and hearing them scream as they were plunged into darkness. We turned the switch back on and planned our revenge.

The next morning we were going to drive back home for the Easter break, knowing that the girls upstairs were planning to spend the first week of the holiday doing their essays (yes, that's how fecking sad they were). We cleaned the flat, packed our bags and left for a month and the last thing we did was flick the switch off. Bye!

When I got back a month later, one of the girls was reduced to tears as she told us about how all their freezer food had defrosted and that they hadn't been able to watch tv (a big deal for them, believe me). They'd called our (rather bad-tempered) landlord, who'd come round and shouted at them for turning off the switch downstairs themselves and wasting his time.

This would have been enough for us if we hadn't heard them bitching about us a few days later (after all the sympathy we'd shown for their electrical trauma). Sadly for them, it seemed that the cupboard downstairs could be opened with creative knife use and their recently re-stocked freezer once again wept onto their kitchen floor. The landlord threatened to evict them. It was a joyous time.

One of the greatest highlights was seeing my flatmate opening the cupboard and operating the trip switch using a tissue 'so as not to leave fingerprints'. Fabulous.

Another friend told me I'd be going to hell. I told her I don't really mind as all my dearest friends will be there too.
( thealternativefact, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 17:03, Reply)