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This is a question Well, that taught 'em

Sammi Evil Nice writes "I shared with two students, and it was always the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.

One of them, John, was a lovely bloke but allergic to nuts. John makes tea. Soon after, John starts swelling up.

ME: Runs, administers epi-pen. "You're going into anaphalactic shock."
HIM: "How do you know?"
ME: "I put almond oil in my milk."

What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?

(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:54)
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I'm a bad, bad man.
Thank god for the relative anonymity of the internet, because what I'm about to confess is both dangerous, illegal and vindictive in a manner far in excess of the dirty deeds done by the hapless victim.

I know a girl who hated me for no readily apparent reason. I was nice to her, ribbed her in the same gentle manner as I do everyone, attempted to make conversation about topics such as lesbianism, absinthe, Dadaist art etc. which I couldn't give a tinker's damn about, but which she took great interest in. In short, I made quite an effort.

Not that she cared. Pouring poison into the ear of all our mutual friends, spitting in my pint, dropping ash on my carseats... this and many more acts of petty irritation wore away my patience until one day, not too long ago, I snapped.

I'm not a violent chap, so I didn't lash out physically in any way. Anyway, that would be but a momentary release of the my pent-up vexation and I wanted more of a long-term drip-dry, much like the annoyance she subjected me to.

This young lady has a voracious appetite for various Class A's, so in my corkscrew mind a plan was formed. I informed her I had obtained a contact who was able to get me some 'top-drawer snort', and would she be at all interested in purchasing some? Never have I seen someone carry out an attitude 180 so fast. Bought me a drink, fawned over me like a lapdog, offered me a smoke etc etc. Almost pathetic to watch.

Next week I turn up with two bags of crushed Pro-Plus pills and baking soda which I sold her for £40 apiece. I've been doing this for a few months, and the poor dear seems to be developing quite the coke habit, and I have absolutely no intent of telling her. Now my real friends are asking for some and I'm genuinely considering doing the same with them.

Let me just reiterate: I'm a bad, bad man.
(, Sat 28 Apr 2007, 13:31, Reply)

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