Don't get even. Get odder.
Story 1: Gary Glitter
A mate of mine discovered her long term bf had been cheating on her, so secretly she made plans to move out, taking her stuff with her. Just before she left though, she took her uber-revenge with his clothes. She didn't take her scissors through them like most angsty wenches would. Oh no. She upgraded. She'd been round to the art shop and picked up a huge tub of glitter and doused all his clothes in it.

Several years later, her ex, now dubbed "Gary" still has a certain shine about him...

***

Story 2: Don't feck with me. Ever again.

Last year I shared a student house with a friend and three random foreign students. Two of these students were from China with worse English than my Mandarin. That made coordinating housework tricky, fair enough. But after four months of me and my mate doing all the cleaning and admin, while they left the kitchen in an absolute mess (rotting eggs, chicken carcasses, massive amounts of stale food and booze, fag ends everywhere) and the bathroom covered with hair from their DIY haircuts, pubes, unflushed shite, and once a huge puddle of piss that I slipped in and aggravated a back injury my patience wore thin.

OK, this QOTW isn't about housemates from hell so I'll get to their learning experience. One day, I snapped. Over the remainder of the year I:

*Continually salted their food and milk (which would be placed in the airing cupboard overnight hehehe)
*Hid important looking mail
*Let down their car's tyres
*Shoved a potato in said car's exhaust
*Pubed their soap
*Pubed their food
*Put chilli powder in their mouthwash, shampoo and shower gel
*Pretended to have loud, kinky gay sex with my housemate and then left a tub of vaseline dabbed with peanut butter on the kitchen table. I also left "used" condoms similarly coated with a touch of peanut butter on the kitchen bin
*Started whipping/being whipped on the arse by my friend on the communal stairwell
*Invited friends over for group "stretching" sessions. The look on filthyhousemates' faces when they saw six rugby playing taffs meditating and humming in the corridor was priceless
*Gatecrashed their bible study group in my underpants and started chatting up the sinister minister.
*Left half a dozen plastic tubes from the lab half filled with apple juice labelled with people's names (e.g. Mr. Jones c/o Dr. Evans) in the fridge
*Coated designated seats in the kitchen with itching powder

And finally:
*Rubbed their toothbrushes in their shitridden toilet brush.

Did they learn? Don't know, don't care. I'm not sure made sense as it must have been a hypermindfuck at times for them. But it made me feel lots better after suffering months of cuntishness. And that's all that matters in the end, my friends.

Length? Never apologise for your length, gentlemen.
(mochyn, Sat 28 Apr 2007, 15:02, Reply)