Well, that taught 'emSammi Evil Nice writes "I shared with two students, and it was always the same; whenever it was near to paytime, my milk *and only this* would disappear.
One of them, John, was a lovely bloke but allergic to nuts. John makes tea. Soon after, John starts swelling up.
ME: Runs, administers epi-pen. "You're going into anaphalactic shock."
HIM: "How do you know?"
ME: "I put almond oil in my milk."
What have you done to teach somebody a lesson?
(, Thu 26 Apr 2007, 14:54)
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Fight! Fight! Fight!In Year 6, my school was ruled by a nasty bully by the name of Johnny Clarke.*
Johnny Clarke was eight stone of pure malice who would give you a dead arm for not supporting Arsenal, not handing over your chocolate biscuits, not having the right trainers, etc etc. Every so often, somebody would rise to the challenge of fighting him, and surrounded by a jeering mob of ten-year-olds he would reduce them to a quivering mass of fear and subjugation.
So far however, he had never fought a girl.
Enter me. One morning during the summer of Year 6, Johnny and his gang greeted me with a Nazi salute as I walked into school (I'm Jewish). My intention to "beat him up" after school that day was well publicised, partly because I was a girl and partly because I was the smallest kid in the year group. It was a pretty good turnout - a bloodthirsty mob of salivating kids all waiting to watch an alligator annihilate a little fluffy bunny.
We had a referee in the form of another kid in our class and as soon as he signalled that the fight was to begin, I landed a kick to Johnny's groin, which was about chest height for me. He doubled over in agony whilst I took the opportunity to punch him in the head a few times. And then the most extraordinary thing happened: Johnny Clarke, skinhead in training and resident terroriser of all and sundry, ran away. We did a couple of laps of the playground, the enormous bully being chased by the smallest girl in the year whilst the rest of the year group pissed themselves laughing at him.
Finally I caught up with him and he launched himself at me, landing on my back. Seeing as he weighed about twice as much as me, it was only a matter of time before I crashed into the concrete in a bloody tangle of broken bones... It was at that point that the fearsome deputy head strode over to break it up, and of course at that particular moment I looked like a blameless victim.
So in addition to complete humiliation, Johnny got detention all week. That showed him.
*Names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the bloodthirsty, although actually I went to high school with him and he didn't turn out that bad at all in the end.
(, Tue 1 May 2007, 14:25, Reply)
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