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This is a question The Boss

My chief at a large retail chain used to decide on head office redundancies by chanting "One potato, two potato" over the staff list. Tell us about your mad psycho bosses - collect your P45 on the way out.

Bruce Springsteen jokes = Ban, ridicule

(, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 13:06)
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You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this question!!!
Brace yourself this will be epic long.

Sometime ago (well a couple of months anyway) I had the most piss-take of jobs and was forced to work with the most stupid person of all time. These examples are only the tip of the iceberg as me and my girlfriend would regulary have "Sarahs Stupid Quote" everyday about new things she drempt up. These are a collection of my favourites and the ones I can remember. Will post more if asked and most importantly, if I dont make QOTW with this one, I will finally give up.


Lets begin. Basically, I worked for a publishing company and I made the pictures for each sponsor (ie. A magazine on health? We'd call gyms and the karate dojo that took up the offer would have a picture made by me). However, due to Sarah coming from a sales background and now starting her own business from scratch, she'd never thought about managing staff not to do with sales and had no IT knowledge, so I was in charge of that too. Then again, she didn't relise I'd need a computer to make the pictures, so I brought my own in each day.

After 3 months, she decided to buy a company computer, and spent 3 weeks deciding which one was best and I told to get XP or Vista. (Incidentially, she bought a Dell running Windows '98 because "the man in the shop said they were the latest".)


When she opened the bank business bank account at Barclays she also spent extra £700 on computer programs to manage her overheads and so on too. 4 Months later, she asked me if they'd be any use to me because she didn't have a clue. I declined.


Jan 10th...

"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"erm, the 10th."
"oh, thanks."

15 minutes later:

"billybobbean, whats the date again?"
"the 10th, Sarah"

10 minutes later:

"billybobbean, whats the date?"
"Ahem. Its the 10th"

20 Minutes later? The punchline:

"billybobbean, ("if she asks me the fucking date now...")



Very trustworthy, or maybe a little bit nieve. She didn't know how to take credit card over the phone (hard when your running a call centre) so I suggested paypal as a temporary means until she got a card machine sorted (this took her 3 months).

To verify paypal, she allowed me to scan her drivers licence, two copies of her home address and business credit card (the last one not needed, it was her suggestion, in her words, "just to be sure"). This was to my own laptop and she never asked me to delete them or at least see what I did with them ( still have them on my dekstop now actually).


Seeing as mine was the only laptop, I held every piece of document to every customer. The only other back up was hardcopy, kept in a ring binder. The ring binder was lost 4 times in one day once.


Sarah's boyfriend would visit each day (to be fair, he give her the 10K to start the business and he was a nice bloke to talk to). How did he have a 10K lying around? He was a cocaine dealer. Sarah also had a coke habit... towards the end of my career there, she started to develop a scab under her right nostril.


Other appereance attributes include a fuckload of fake tan. Im not against fake tan generally, but when you walk into the office on Monday morning to genuineally think for a split second that your bosses race has changed from white to black, you know they are too excessive. Clothing in her office was casual, so I generally wore teans slightly below my arse and a t-shirt. She generally wore PVC leggings, lots of green gold and a top that Kat from Eastenders might wear. On a hangover.


After fucking up for 3 months in a row (ie. two sales a week, the target was 7 a day), her silent partner became unsilent. To be fair, this isn't really down to her, but his honoury mention comes from the time he let us get off an hour early on Friday because he had to go the police station for an assult charge he had been arrested for a few months back ("I don't blame the police for nicking me like, they're only doing the're job innit?"


Eventually I left when I was told to "do my fucking work" and I told them to fuck off. Ive unemployed since March, and I start my new job on Monday!! If I've got another crank, I'll let you know.
(, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 22:35, 3 replies)
No click for you.
You told her to get vista.


Used that bastard of an OS briefly. It's such a goddamned downgrade from XP.
(, Sun 21 Jun 2009, 10:37, closed)
for the bit about asking the time and date... class!
(, Sun 21 Jun 2009, 11:27, closed)
You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this question!!!
since March, presumably...
(, Mon 22 Jun 2009, 7:38, closed)

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