‘Crawl back under your rock’…

I worked for a while at an independant fast food ‘restaurant’. Despite my meagre surroundings and generally unhealthy environment, my humble job working on the grill soon became a labour of love, away from the pressures of modern business. I had an insatiable desire to succeed, and actually enjoyed my working day!

My boss (the owner), however was constanty stifling my creativity and seemed only committed to maximising his profit margin (and working my fingers to the bone). I have to say he was (and still is) the most tight-fisted, big-eyed fucker it has ever been my unfortunate pleasure to meet.

Basic things like quality, service, hygiene and customer satisfaction were constantly overlooked in favour of pure profitability, and there was nothing I could say or do about it. I know that times are hard and cost efficiencies should always be maintained - particularly during this recession - but this guy would properly take the piss with his bad management decisions and penny pinching! I’m surprised the place hasn’t been shut down!

Examples include:

Consistently dangling a promotion over my head, then reneging on it at the last minute…sometimes even cutting my salary or stealth-taxing me for sundries and uniform expenses!

Once, when he was in an accident, instead of handing temporary control of the place to me, who clearly deserved it and would have relished the opportunity, he gave the whole fucking place over to the miserable, lazy cunt working behind the till!...who then promptly fucked off for the day and left me to run the whole operation!. I’m surprised I didn’t have a nervous breakdown. Ironically, the bloke who was left in charge ended up doing just that – justice prevails!

He once traded me in on some bullshit ‘chef’s exchange programme’ which I thought was to ‘further my career’, but it turned out he just wanted to blag a ‘proper’ chef so he could go ‘upmarket’ and charge more for the food! That venture ended up biting him on the arse too.

We are in constant competition with the fast food joint over the road, and I’ve lost count of the times the owner of that place has tried to sabotage our operation, but despite my thwarting him every time almost single handedly, I am never rewarded for my efforts.

However, I think the worst thing my boss has ever done, was when he sold my soul for just 62 cents! And if it wasn’t for the fact that that I’m so annoying, I’d be with the Flying Dutchman in Davey Jones’ locker to this very day, not sitting here typing this from the safety of my pineapple.

And just when you think it can’t get any worse, my best mate is a certified fucking ‘tard. Fortunately, my other friend keeps my spirits up by going round in a bikini all day.

oh yeah…I’d totally do her.
(Mr Twisty Cheeky The worst kept secret in B3ta..., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 11:48, 7 replies)

You are Spongebob squarepants
AICMFP
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 11:49, closed)

I might be wrong
But isn't it Patrick who lives in the pineapple?
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:39, closed)

Just checked
You're right, sorry.
(Aberracion Life's getting very complicated, but a lot of fun., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:41, closed)

I believe* that Patrick...

...Is also the 'crawl under your rock' reference in the title.

...as he lives under a rock next door.


*There's no 'I believe' about it. I know for sure, as I watch shitloads of Spongebob. It is all of the aceness. Yes, I have kids, but I'd probably still watch it anyway.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:46, closed)

Funnily,
I just read an interview with the creator re: that whole thing about certain US religious right groups slamming Spongebob as being a gay role model, where they stated that they always intended for him to be asexual.

Yeah. I just saw the episode where he first met Sandi, and I call bullshit on that. He's totally hot for her.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 12:57, closed)

Amusingly...
...when you mentioned the chef's exchange program, I thought "that sounds a bit like that spongebob episode", and I didn't actually twig, until the soul selling bit :D
( Mike Fishcake teamfishcake.co.uk - better than your mum's face, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 16:10, closed)

Dear god...
being possibly the most gullible person alive, only by the comments I realised what was going on
D:
(Procrastinate now! It's not opposite day!, Tue 23 Jun 2009, 20:24, closed)