The memoirs of a urine-stained derelict.
In Cambridge in the 1990s I remember a mange-ridden washed-up derelict who closely resembled Brian Blessed, but with matted hair.
The student populous referred to him as "Uncle Nobby", he was regularly seen pushing a shopping cart (the type favoured by old ladies) filled with rags and roadkill.
His activities included.

1. Urinating publicly, the more public the better. I once saw him unzip and pull out his dirt-encrusted phallus and micturate like a racehorse in a crowd of commuters at a bus stop.

2. He was once seen rifling through a bin, pulled out something without form and covered in flies, and proceeded to devour it hungrily much to the open disgust of passing members of the public.

3. He would regularly masturbate in public, although he limited this activity to the hours following the closure of the local hostelries. Regularly on leaving the Kings Street Run and walking across Christ's Pieces, I would be treated to the site of Nobby, completely sated, with his spent Phallus lying across his leg oozing the remains of his fetid ejaculate.

4. He occasionally attempted clumsy coitus with female vagrants on the childrens' play park next to the zionist church on East Road. One summer I noted as i passed him rhythmically jiggling up and down on top of a semi-comatose female tramp, like a slightly macabre adult version of Burt and Mary Poppins.

5. Standing outside Sainsburys in the days before the big issue sellers monopolised it, and shouting obscenities randomly at passers by. Many a time I was greeted by him with a stentorian cry of "Fuckwanker!" as I went in to buy a wispa bar and a can of fanta.
(Vic Flange, Fri 3 Jul 2009, 15:18, 3 replies)

*click* for stentorian
A fine addition to my vocab.
( chart cat has an itch, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 5:46, closed)

*click*
"with his spent Phallus lying across his leg oozing the remains of his fetid ejaculate"
(drunkenfud, Mon 6 Jul 2009, 13:02, closed)

Oh dear.
"Many a time I was greeted by him with a stentorian cry of "Fuckwanker!" as I went in to buy a wispa bar and a can of fanta."

Cheeky @work giggle.
(Scritty Bakerman., Wed 8 Jul 2009, 2:31, closed)