Another tale from my mate Earl* the same chap from the dumb waiter story
*name changed slightly to protect guilty

Lamentably I wasn't at the party in question as it sounded like a blinder, but Earl himself has related the story to me....

This party was at the large and fancy house of (convoluted bit) the boyfriend of the mum of a mutual friend of ours. This guy was a session musician I believe, pretty good on a bunch of instruments and had some hanging around the place. One of these was a special edition Gibson Les Paul guitar which was hung with pride in the living room. "Don't touch my guitar" was about the only warning delivered to the merry revellers at the outset of the party. This becomes important later.

Now Earl is commonly referred to (in a pirate voice) by saying "Yarr, tis an inhuman drinking machine!" and this occasion was no break from form. Well and truly plastered and with the party still going on around him, Earl passes out in the living room. This more than likely took a very very large amount of booze.

I've heard the following not only from Earl, who had to be told about it the next day, but from actual eye-witnesses to the event: During his booze-enhanced slumber Earl staggered to his feet, dragged himself over to the wall where the guitar hung betwixt two chairs occupied by nubile young ladies, whipped out his womb-weasel and urinated all over the one item that the house owner had warned them not to meddle with; the guitar.

Naturally the audience was aghast, but Earl who was fully in the grasp of St.Ella (Patron saint of wife-beating) was oblivious and finshing up, merely passed out again until the morning when the previous nights events were recounted.

Is it accidental when you whip it out when drunk? Who knows, but I imagine it was certainly unexpected, particularly for the poor girls who had the close-up side view.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 May 2009, 11:46, 2 replies)

click for introducing me to the phrase
'womb weasel' :D
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 29 May 2009, 16:20, closed)

heat-seeking womb-weasel
to use the full phrase :-)
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 May 2009, 17:06, closed)