Not quite unexpected nudity, but horrific - and this gives me a chance to unburden.
During my time working for a mobile telecomms company, I struck up a bit of a rapport with a lad named Chris. In fact, I struck up a bit of a rapport with a couple of lads named Chris. So, in the interests of disambiguation in case either of them ever read this, it's not the Frantic Pastie who regaled us with tales of the Angelsey Dangler. This was the Other Chris.

This Other Chris was into Runescape? Or Everquest? Or whatever proto-mumorepegger was doing the rounds before Warcrack. He also fancied himself a bit of a techie, but wasn't particularly committed.

Anyhoo, he bought this machine from a scambadger in North Tyneside. It was wonk - serious wonk. Kept falling over and so forth. In the end he asked me to take a look at it.

On opening the case I found one problem immediately. Apparently the geordie cretin had run out of those bug chunky screws you use to fix case fans to the back-vent of the machine. Displaying a misplaced ingenuity that in some parallel world may be indicated genius, he'd decided to mount it inside the case, parallel to the mainboard, by multitasking the screw used to fix the AGP graphics adaptor in its slot. Five out of ten for effort I guess. This was remedied, but the system was still wonky.

After trying a few diagnostics to no avail and not finding anything conclusive, I reseated memory - no joy. Thought what the hell, I'll reseat the processor (not as far fetched as it sounds - I've seen 939s held in place by the heatsink and fan but insufficient contacts made). I lifted the fan and found the reason.

Now you know on some of the older heatsinks you got a peel-off label that protected the thermal gurp? He'd neglected to peel it off. I took a couple of pics for posterity and remedied the situation.

After dropping it off (with my then-partner in tow) I was given the task of arranging internet access between the two. Cat 5 xover, Windows 98SE and Internet Connection Sharing. Over dial up. Urrrggh.

With the [impatient] partner downstairs trying to make the smallest of talk with his partner - who was horrific - I did what I could and left him to his orc-bashing. Tried to be a bit personable prior to leaving the house, as suddenly doing a runner after sorting out a machine is considered impolite.

After a couple of minuter some mental subprocess kicked in and I noticed that the Horror Head - who was no picture, weighed about half as much as a small car and had been eclipsed in conversational skills by experimental monkeys - had her legs wide apart and, with the long skirt she was wearing, meant I was being granted visual access to a somewhat stained-looking and unpleasant gusset.

I never knew whether the ex- was aware of this, but there must have been some perception that things were awry with the unseemly haste by which I gathered my belongings, made my excuses, and left for the pub to blot out the horror.

Booze didn't work, so I'm hoping the power of B3ta can exorcise the memory. Click "I like this" if, yada yada yada.

Peace and fucking, YS out.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Fri 29 May 2009, 22:13, 3 replies)

Click
solely for the word "scambadger"
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 29 May 2009, 23:48, closed)

It wasn't unexpected?
Did he game naked and tell you about it?

What were you expecting exactly?
(Scritty Bakerman., Sat 30 May 2009, 14:23, closed)

Expectations?
Probably minor adulation and a bottle of wine. Not horrific girlfriend-gusset while my then-partner was barely a metre away. Hope this clears up the uncertainty.
(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_(_ =o.o=, Wed 3 Jun 2009, 0:44, closed)