b3ta.com user Pearly Pearl
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for Pearly Pearl:
Profile Info:

I like cake and am called Uncle Paul by some and Dad by others
I also like Michael Sheard
You are GODFREY UGO. You are the Chairman of the Contract Debt Investigation and Payment Commission for the government of Nigeria.  You have $200 Million that you wish to give away 25%. Your business is 100% risk free.
Which Nigerian spammer are You?

Pearly Pearl

is a Giant Ape that lives Underwater, Freezes Solid when Cold, Hovers Eerily, and has Heavy Metal Armour and a Computer for a Brain.

Strength: 7 Agility: 7 Intelligence: 7

To see if your Giant Battle Monster can
defeat Pearly Pearl, enter your name and choose an attack:

fights Pearly Pearl using

You are Kip

Recent front page messages:

I hate marmalade

Clicky for puke-tastic version
(Fri 10th Jun 2005, 15:25, More)

Hitler gets a new rowing machine

(Mon 8th Nov 2004, 16:31, More)

Best answers to questions:

» The Onosecond

Pearly Pearl / Pearl Assurance Mishap
Bit of a long convoluted story this, so apologies for length/girth.
A good mate of mine had been over to France and got me a couple of cases of cheap plonk. When I asked him what I owed him, he hadn't worked it out and said he would send me "an invoice". Whilst on the phone discussing this transaction we were talking about a new Spam filter which our IT department had installed and how there were some peculiar words that were filtered out of emails. Particular examples were "Cock Master" and "Rimjaw" - all of which were a great source of mirth.
So my wine supplier obviously went away and did a fine job of knocking up a bogus invoice for Fatty's Wine Importers Ltd which included an invoice value for 12 Bottles of maison de Cockmaster and 24 bottles of Chateau de Rimjaw. Gleefully he typed in "Pearl" to his email address book and hits send......
A few minutes later, all hell breaks loose. My mate had not long started a new job at some IT support organistaion which had a major contract with Pearl Assurance. Little did he know but his invoice had winged its way to over 5000 recipients as far apart as LA and Sydney.
The head of Pearl's IT Security was soon on the blower querying why his entire organisation had a silly invoice for a couple of dozen bottles of nasty sounding booze.
(Thu 26th May 2005, 15:39, More)

» Jobsworths

Copenhagen Airport Security
A work colleague and I spent a very enjoyable six weeks in Copenhagen a few years back doing an IT project for an aircraft maintenance company at the airport. Getting "airside" i.e. onto the airport is actually quite similar to getting onto a flight and involves a fair bit of security and handing over your passport for the day. However at most airports, after a couple of weeks of coming and going, the security guys get to know you and things tend to be a bit more relaxed and less bureacratic. However post 911, you to get to find the odd jobsworth.... there was one in particular here in Denmark who was a right sod.

My colleague had one of those leather passport covers, and this jobsworth would refuse to accept the passport everyday, because it didn't quite fit in the pigeon holes used to store them. He sought permission each day from some admin office to store the passport on top of the pigeon hole shelves or some other more secure location.... This was every day for six weeks. We also used to have to get an escort to the company albeit only 100 yards away, but often we didn't bother with the escort on the way back..... the day he caught us heading out without an escort he ment absolutely mental!!
It made him even madder when we offered to go back and do it again properly
(Thu 12th May 2005, 13:15, More)

» Pretentious bollocks

Pure Art Degree Final Year Project
I went to the Southampton Institue of Slackers and Thickos in the early 90's (now called Solent Uni or something)
Anyway I was fairly friendly with this arty chap who was from the same home town as me. It turned out that this was the only thing we had in common. I went along to the exhibition of his final year project for fine art.... amongst all the strange sculptures that included lolly sticks and star wars figures there was some "live art"
One bloke's piece involved him stripping down to his boxers and running repeatedly into a bare white wall until he started bleeding and bits of spit, mucus, blood and other body parts were smeared on the wall - then he preceeded to varnish over the wall. I can't quite remember what all that signified. Anyway, the chap I knew had previously had some kind of eating disorder in the past and his piece was all about that. It involved him eating a whole kilo of caster sugar with a spoon while dressed in a pre-teen girl's nighty and vomitting the sweet slurry back into a bucket....that's it. When asked afterwards what I thought, I feigned admiration, made my excuses and left. I didn't fancy staying and seeing the results of the usual hors-d'oeurve and champagne offered at such events
(Tue 4th Oct 2005, 11:28, More)

» I just don't get it

Philosophy, Titles and The Theory of Relativity
If you are a student of Philosophy does that mean that you are studying the works of other Philosophers or that you are training to become a Philosopher in your own right...? or do the two go hand in hand.? Who determines what is Philosphy and what is mindless drivel?

If you are a Lord and a Professor and an Admiral and a Knight what title do you use.? Robert Winston has a couple of those...

Is the result of the equation E=MC^2 an accurate assessment of the amount of energy a body is capable of releasing or is it just a random massive number to illustrate the almost infinite amount of energy stored by matter at an atomic scale...?

Also I don't understand inbred racism, xenophobia and other such intolerance. I just don't get how events that occured hundreds of years ago can still be shaping society today.

I just don't get it....
(Thu 31st Mar 2005, 13:52, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

Rugby players molest my sister
I have rugby shirt signed by most of the 2001 British Lions team. My sister came with me and got her T-shirt she was wearing signed by most of the team including the likes of Jason Robinson, Lawrence Dalalialilalalalio, Johnny Wilkinson et al...

When it came for her to grab Martin Johnson (the team captain) she told him that he had to sign across her boobs as he was the most important one there. He went very embarrased and seemed to be very worried about onlookers and the press and everything. He ended up signing across her midriff. Neil Back pushed him out of the way signing in the space reserved in massive letter making sure to dot the i in Neil several times....

She's got that T-shirt framed now along with the photo I took of Martin Johnson apparently touching her up.

I've also got a footballl signed by the 1982 Ipswich Town Football team and an alledgedly original frame from The Life of Brian - from the Biggus Dickus scene
My son has also got a load of props and signed merchandise from the Tweenies as his Aunt - my sister-in-law works for the production company.

oooh oooh - and a friend of mine has the dead stag beetle used on the cover of an album by 90's brit-pop combo Sleeper
(Thu 4th Nov 2004, 11:19, More)
[read all their answers]