b3ta.com user Melmite
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Waste of space on the south coast

I am nerdier than 96% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

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» Encounters with Royalty

Not me but my dad
When he was in the Army in the 70s the Duke of Edinburgh came for a tour of his barracks. Dad was on the honour guard for HRH's arrival but then had to go straight to his duties around the base (he was on cleaning duty that day). Now there was a planned course around the building that had be security checked and cleared etc. for Phillip. Prince Phillip being Prince Phillip went off course and bumped into my dad who is now in full janitorial garb.
Prince Phillip: Ah! So that's what happened to my honour guard!
Dad(who is gobsmacked and carrying bucket, broom and mop at this point): Yes Sir. (Which recieved a filthy look from his Colonel).
(Mon 7th Aug 2006, 22:51, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Outside Toymaster
In Poole bus station. In our rumbunctious youth me and my "crew" had decided to pull an all-nighter at the local skatepark. After trying to kip under the ramps with the strong odour of hobo piss we had moved on to thesubway under the railway. The wind blew straight down there, seriously, you could have tested the aerodynamics of concord. Next stop is the bus station to see if KFC is still open as the munchies have kicked in. No joy. We give in and curl up in the doorway of Toymaster like the littlest match girl. Cue, after a full half-hour of sleep, the street sweeping machine coming at us at full throttle. Worst. Alarm clock. EVER.
(Fri 29th Dec 2006, 16:32, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

My turn
Chris Barrie (but only as the gittish Rimmer from Red Dwarf)
Data from Star Trek TNG
Richard E Grant...(phwoar Scarlet Pimpernel)
I am still a teenager until Tuesday.

One that's really inapropriate, when I was about 10 and "blooming" as mother called it, I developed a crush on the purple-haired, cross-dressing failure, James from Pokemon's Team Rocket.
(Sun 1st Oct 2006, 0:30, More)

» Buses

My Ex was an arsehole who always drifted off to sleepums on the bus, no matter how short the journey. One day, after a morning row about milk, we both got on the bus and enevitable fuckwit(as I now call him) fell asleep. Being the cow that I am :) I decided that today was the day that he was gonna learn him a lesson about taking stuff for granted. Now usually, I'd wake him up at the destination stop but I accidently forgot. I got an irate phonecall from him an hour later as he'd woken up 15 miles away at the bus' final destination. I went back to mum's. I presume that he somehow found his way home...
(Wed 1st Jul 2009, 23:40, More)

» Restaurants, Kitchens and Bars... Oh my!

Chip Monkey
I work in a Fish 'n' Chips shop. Apart from the fact that in the summer I have to work 6 hours straight in an air temperature of 40°C all of my cuntstomers believe that as I am wrapping up their dinner for them I must be as thick as pig shit (aside from the fact that I've aced all my exams and am on my way to a masters degree).
Our raw fish is stored in metal drawers and the juice collects in the bottom, usually this gets trhown away but on one occasion we poured it into a mug and dared the kitchen porter to drink it for £1...he did.
Another fun story of my job is in the autumn when the crane flies are about, my manager collects them in an empty pickle jar throughout the evening and then feeds them into the bug-zapper creating a burning stench which fills the entire premises.
(Sun 23rd Jul 2006, 17:34, More)
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