b3ta.com user darfbozo
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Cider bellied badger fiddler

Recent Front Page Messages: Fuck All, who should I Bum?

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» Clients Are Stupid

Virgin Atlantic Balloon Challenge
100% true ... I once worked for an industrial computer company in Southampton. We did installs on everything, including the outside of oilrigs. Anyway, Richard Branson was doing his 2nd round the world balloon challenge and came to us (the fool) for a Panel PC (basically a PC with a big weatherproof touchscreen, no mouse/keyboard). We duly sorted one out and it was installed by someone on the Virgin team. The day it was due to take off I got a call asking for help.
To cut a long story short, some lesser engineer had discovered Minesweeper on the Panel PC (yep, Windows) and had spent too much time playing. His superior, in an effort to stop this behaviour had deleted the relevant .exe and, for good measure, a few .dll files ("because they looked like Minesweeper might use them").
At the point that I was called, they were 3hrs from scheduled take off, with a buggered, non-booting PC - their main navigational system.
Needless to say, takeoff was delayed. I chuckled heartily when I saw the 6 O'clock news ...
Branson never made it even when the thing did go up eventually. That'll teach him, the beardy f*cksock.
(Tue 30th Dec 2003, 22:03, More)

» Cheating cheaty cheats

Cheats prosper, sort of.
1st year of secondary school ... Poetry competition, which was compulsory for English lesson. Now I'm not the flowery, poetry type and frankly I couldnt be arsed. So, a quick skip through a limeric book by Michael Rosen, a carefully chosen suitable 'poem' plus an additional last verse made up to match, and I was done.
Unfortunately I won the contest outright, beating the rest of the school and had to go up in assembly to collect my prize (a totally crap signed book - 'The little Prince').
It wouldnt have been so bad if, and this is god's honest truth, Mr Rosen hadnt been invited to school 6 months later and I had to read my award winning poem out to him and assembled teachers at a presentation.
He shot me a very dodgy glance midway through the recital, but said nowt thankfully. I made my excuses and legged it the moment I'd finished.
On the back of this I was entered into the inter-schools clever kids contest. Needless to say we didnt get far ...
(Fri 18th Nov 2005, 17:06, More)

» My Greatest Regrets

A very lovely lady, who I wasnt supposed to be knocking off, once gave me a choice of locations for 'unloading'. To my everlasting regret I didnt go for her face.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
(Fri 6th Oct 2006, 14:54, More)

» Obscure Memorabilia

Wet Wet Wet Lager
Little bro used to do their press. The Wet's management comissioned serveral thousand cans of 'Wet Beer' to be sold through Tescos. At the last minute it was decided that, as the average fan was (at that time) too young to drink, the whole lot should be dumped. My xmas pressie that year was a can of the dreadful grog. Pictures:

Went out of date April 98 - I have held onto it for far too long. I have a Xmas card from Ozzie somewhere too. Oh and another one from Let Loose. Hmmm.
(Sat 6th Nov 2004, 1:31, More)

» Shoddy Presents

Records and a bit of my lung
I once sold a load of old records to a 2nd-hand record shop (thats LPs not CDs, how old am I?) and my brother went into the same shop, bought one back and gave it to me for xmas.
I got him back by giving him a piece of my lung the next year (I asked for a bit during some medical testing - they paid me £500, I gave them small bits of my lungs).
(Thu 23rd Sep 2004, 14:21, More)
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