» Pure Ignorance

Playing Table Football...
...and getting beat 9-0 with 1 ball to go. 1 lad says "looks like its gonna be a, whats that stuff Tom Sawyer used to paint the fence"

My reply "creosote?"

Cue a long period of hysterics. And the invention of a new term for a hands down victory..."A creosoting"
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 15:37, More)

» Stupid Tourists

French are just as bad as us brits
In an Andorran ski resort, me and my mate were taking our boards off to go into a mountain top cafe. This french bloke pulls up on his skis and says "ouvert?" to my mate, who as it happens cant speak a word of the lingo. I was busy chaining me board to the railings, coming from Newcastle, you do things like that, watching the proceedings. My mate looks at him blankly, that should have been enough really, but the Frenchie just says "ouvert?" louder. This happens a few more time til the Frenchie (notice how i try not to use the word frog) is practically shouting in my mates face until I pipe up "Oui, Ouvert" then he happily goes in for his glass of pastis or whatever they drink over there and me mate looking totally bemused. Just goes to show, if you cant get somebody to understand you, the logical step is to just get louder.
(Tue 12th Jul 2005, 20:11, More)

» Singing the wrong words

How do you solve a problem like....
diarrhoea
Stick a lump u dynamite up ya rear
stick it in your ear n give it a smear

Cant remember what we used to sing next...it WAS 26 years ago
(Fri 28th Jan 2005, 18:58, More)

» Singing the wrong words

Banana Splitz
Tra la la, la la la la,
Tra la la, la la la la

1 banana, 2 banana, 3 banana, 4,
15 skinheads knockin at ya door,
1 with a hammer, 1 with a rock,
1 with a dagger hangin from his....

Tra la la, la la la la,
Tra la la, la la la la
(Fri 28th Jan 2005, 18:54, More)

» Singing the wrong words

2 little boys
Long Ears passed, Walking so fast.
(Fri 28th Jan 2005, 18:51, More)