» Cringe!

Pissed as a fart and work with people with learning disabilities..
So i have devoted my life to working with less able people, trying to bring a little sunshine to their lives lol...
Anywho here goes!
Watching Chelsea Vs Arsenal a few years back with a few too many beers in me, getting overly irrate about ultimately a bunch of nambys kicking a ball...
A female companion remarks about thinking Jehns Lehmann's fit... what did i do? Make a remark about the obvious poor condition of her eyes? NO. Instead i announce he looks like he's got downs syndrome... Not just saying it and then marking the ugly episode with a fullstop, oh no, i then proceed to start substituting part of the chorus of "get down on it" to "Get downs! Get downs!" really loudly. The pub goes silent, i mean deathly silent, i turn around to see two people with downs syndrome clutching their pints with a support worker accutely aware of how much of a penis i am...
Think my karmic balance took a nosedive there!
Truely one of the worst things i think i've ever said, even now it feels like someone subjecting me to hours of coldplay... pure agony!
(Mon 1st Dec 2008, 9:33, More)

» Food sabotage

From the other point of view
I've always considered myself wat i would describe as a shitty buddhist; i beleive in most of the ideas and follow the peace and love stuff however do drink and do eat meat... with this in mind...
I once went raving in Brixton; amazing time with good mates, i left relatively sober and quiet and stopped off at a nearby well known fast food chain which was still open. I quietly ordered a burger and chips and watched as the charming fellow went around the various cooking equipment with a burger, carefully unwrapped it, gobbed in it five times, wrapped it back up and tried to serve it to me... i expressed to him politlely something along the lines of "What in fucks name do you think you are doing kind food monkey?" to which he responded(in an oscar worthy performance) as if he thought i'd been at the loopy juice. When i pointed out to him that i could see what he did in direct view he proceeded to call me a cunt and for his troubles got an amazing left hook square in the face... needless to say he was swiftly fired although i did have to do some explaining... oops!
(Sun 21st Sep 2008, 20:55, More)

» My most gullible moment

Antipodean Antics
My mate back from the time i lived in Oz decided to finally see how much better a country we have; i mean come on; densely overpopulated, permanent grey skies and rain.. cold, cold, cold rain.. gotta love it *sigh*
Aaaanywho... when she arrived here i did what any sarcastic bastard would and proceeded to explain to her differences in English culture, there were many but two of the golden ones are; the first is that we DO call Police "The Fuzz" over here due to an act passed in Parliament in 1801 (That got her in touble while asking for directions on Oxford Circus!)
The second, and i would argue the best is telling her that in England we call Televisions "Electric Light Boxes"; so imagine my shock when she starts announcing to my flat mates that she is just watching "the electric light box, could you keep the noise DOWN!" and even tries to buy an "Electric light box" in the local Currys.. the staff just looked at her baffled thinking no doubt that in Australia they don't call Televisions TVs... That must have gone on for soooooome months... didn't have the heart to tell her, altho she got her own back when, on a previous years birthday, produced a working pair of police handcuffs, cuffed my arms behind my back onto one of the vertical bars in a nighttime tube carriage bound for Nottinghill, pulled my trousers down and left me to it... bitch!
(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 8:56, More)

» Faking it

I think im faking it right now!!
I'm only early twenties and look that way too... but it seems because i've lived a lot, travelled, been here and there and everywhere that a lot of ppl think im older.
So anyway i work in social care and look after ppl who need looking after. Im looking after one guy; he's great (but has his little fucker moments) and whilst meeting ppl he has to meet, attending various meetings i met someone who works somewhere on the other side of the same field to me and we get on well.
So i'm playing it cool every time we meet, she's giggling, laughing etc (clearly early thirties but i love older women) but this is just it, i know the moment she finds out im a youngling she'll lose all interest... always the fucking way... shame cos i'd like to make sex with her girl bits... but it's more than that; i like her but i know for her age will be insurmountable (...plus my bank balance aint great at the mo! :-s lol)
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 1:29, More)

» Faking it

I'm faking it right now II
... In fact thinking about it even more, i fancy my deputy boss, im sure she feels something, and i know i do but every time someone brings something up about it i act all nonchalent and pretend theres nothing rattling round in my skull...
You coupled up love birds might have forgotten it but this shows how confusing it is having frontal lobes when your single!
(Fri 11th Jul 2008, 1:32, More)