b3ta.com user nospoon
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» Stupid Dares

Bicycle dare
I remember in my childhood a group of us were at Tim's house which came out at the top of Prince of Wales Park in Bingley. It is at the top of a 2 in 1 hill and is around a third of a mile long. We were all on bikes outside and Tim was on this really crapped out BMX that everyone was taking the piss out of. In some moment of genius I thought it would be a great idea if we took turns to go down the Park on it.

We dared Tim to do it, but he was unwilling to budge so an insane guy by the name of Michael and another guy called Alex decided they were up for it on the same bike together. So off they went pedalling unnecessarily up to speed when I heard Michael scream "There's no fooking brakes!" as they flew down the hill. All I could see was them getting smaller and smaller in the distance obviously being unable to stop. At the bottom of the park is a small entrance way with a pillar to prevent motorbikes from coming into the park, which somehow they managed to avoid. This unfortunately sent them out straight on to the main road where they apparently flew across at peak time managing to miss everything in their path. They then skidded across on to an adjacent quieter road where they managed to do a rolling stop.

How they survived or did not get injured, I do not know. No one else wanted to do it afterwards.
(Thu 1st Nov 2007, 12:46, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

When I was a young Whipper-Snapper,
I once ate an entire large box (apart from one) of After Eights that weren't mine at my friends house. I then spread all the wrappers around their dogs bed and smeared the final After Eight on the face of the dog. Somehow I got found out and I had to buy another box to apologise.

Sad but true!
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 13:12, More)

» My most gullible moment

Choccy the guinea pig
When my other half's cousin was younger, he was given a long haired multi-coloured guinea pig (bits of him were brown and hence the name) on Christmas Day and much excitement ensued. Unfortunately, at some point during the joviality the cousin was holding the guinea pig in his arms but lost control and dropped him on his head.

Now the guinea pig apparently looked alright after the fall, but the next day Aunty and Uncle found poor Choccy dead in his cage. A period of panic came over them and rather than teach their child the facts of life, they decided to go and buy another Guinea Pig because he probably wouldn't notice (this happened to me when I pointed out that my old Goldfish had lasted 8 years that I won at a fair, but my mum had just simply been replacing them when they kept kicking the bucket).

So Aunty and Uncle go to the pet store where they had bought Choccy to find a replacement, but the festive season had meant the store was in short supply. There were no long haired Guinea Pigs to be found nor any with any brown colour in their fur. Unbelievably they still bought a new Guinea Pig, but they had a cunning lie to reason why it looked so different.

So when cousin sees the very different looking Guinea Pig, what do they tell him? They tell him that Santa had taken "Choccy" away because he had become ill. They proceed to tell him that as part of the remedy, Santa had shaved "Choccy" and these were simply the colours found on the short fur of the Guinea Pig. This reasoning had obviously been convincing as cousin never questioned anything that was said.

Finally, fast forward over a decade and I was told the story for the first time by my other half. We happened to see cousin a few days letter and I was mocking him for believing that Santa had healed his Guinea Pig and that he'd in fact dropped it on it's head. Turned out he never knew that Choccy wasn't the original Choccy (despite not being brown!).

Sorry for length etc etc.

(Fri 22nd Aug 2008, 19:15, More)

» Sleepwalking

A friend of the family when in his teens had the odd notion of finding the vacuum whilst sleep walking, plug it in and proceed to operate it in its noisy fashion in the middle of the night. His parents probably wouldn't have minded if it hadn't been for the inappropriate hours so they decided to lock it up and the problem went away.

It then turned out that he would do it when he stayed at other peoples houses, which must have been a surprise.
(Wed 29th Aug 2007, 9:58, More)

» Good Advice

On the advice of a friend who worked at Rowntrees
Never eat the black wine gums as the workers there have been known (many years ago) to chuck the black ones on the floor, kick them around a bit and then put them in the packet.

Also don't eat a sausage (e.g. Banger), unless the packet ACTUALLY says sausage.
(Thu 20th May 2010, 16:26, More)
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