b3ta.com user Bus Turd
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think this has been shopped before yes/no ? brain is melting
(Tue 21st Oct 2003, 2:58, More)


(Sun 5th Oct 2003, 17:25, More)

Arse Wobble

I hate drawing stuff
(Mon 22nd Sep 2003, 15:37, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Worst Record Ever

Stock, Akin and Waterman (spelling may be wrong but i don't give a toss). Any of the shite that this miserable trio of song writers produced was banal and every single bloody one sounded the same as the previous one. When their songs came on the radio, if i couldn't turn it off i'd end up grinding my teeth for the duration and get a powerful headache. I have vowed that if i ever meet one of these guys, who made my life a miserable haze of bad moods, frayed hair and toothache, I will fill their ears with shit, until it oozes out, as they did to me.
(Wed 3rd Dec 2003, 21:18, More)

» When animals attack...

You know those videos of police attack dogs?
they attack the bad mans arm? My cat loves to play this game. I pull my jumper over my hand, crook my arm into a certain position with my fist on the floor and nonchantly look in the opposite direction. He then attacks my arm, kicking with his back legs, holding with his front and biting. I often grab his teeth and shake his head about or just grab him by the chest and whoosh him around the carpet. His attack looks horrible and vicious but he hardly ever draws blood. Towards the end of April I have the most awful fever, a lymph node in my neck the size of a hens egg, sweats, fatigue, migraine, intolerance to light and total nausea. End up having the lymph node cut out and a scar like Frankensteins monster, my neck just needs a bolt for full effect. He gave me Cat Scratch Disease, wah!!
(Fri 3rd Jun 2005, 2:06, More)

» Beautiful Moments

A long time ago in the middle ages and in Hertfordshire . . .
. . . when I was a kid, we went for a walk on a spring day - I must have been all of 5 years old. We went to a woodland and as usual I had buggered off on my own and gone exploring. They had to come and find me as I was so entranced by the place I found; the sunlight shining through the leaves creating greeny yellow beams of glowing light, illuminating an unbroken carpet of bluebells growing there. I was sat on a fallen tree covered with flat toadstools waiting for the fairies to come out and play. It was utterly magical.
(Mon 14th Mar 2005, 22:41, More)

» Pet Names

My housemates cat is called Parsley
When Parsley was a kitten he was raped by another housemates cat whilst using the cat tray. So, when asked "why won't your cat use a tray?" my friend answers "he was raped by Satan when he was a kitten, wont go near cat litter now."

Yes, the other cat was called Satan.
(Thu 26th Feb 2004, 3:45, More)

» Near Death Experiences

Plastic Pig
I was saved by my brother from being run over and mangled by a reliant robin when crossing on a pelican crossing. The little green man was indicating it was perfectly safe to cross and the lights for the cars were red, indicating they should stop. Obviously, this is not how the world works for drivers of plastic pigs. To this day I am embarrassed by the fact I was nearly killed in this ignominious way and I thank my brother for the near strangling I received from his timely actions instead. Incidently, having come way too close to drowning several times, receiving multitudinous mains shocks and falling almost 50 foot out of a tree, I can honestly say that nothing of near death interest has happened. Oh well, maybe next time.
(Thu 2nd Dec 2004, 18:27, More)
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