b3ta.com user woowoowoo
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I'm from Melbourne, Australia - when the UK b3tans sleep, I'm awake, when they're enjoying summer, I'm freezing through winter.
That's the way the world works!

I have a site which is always in bits at: woowoowoo.com

As is the fashion, I have gathered together my b3ta pics to better enable me to relive past glories.

Recent front page messages:

art historians were shocked to find...

evidence of muppets pre-dating jim henson!
(Thu 22nd May 2003, 5:23, More)

sloth extreme sports

attract a loyal following. (edit:oh yes! my first fp)
(Thu 8th May 2003, 8:23, More)

Best answers to questions:

» I hurt my rude bits

crack in the box
This is not a story about my pain, but it still makes my eyes water.
I played cricket in a C grade team when one of the A grade bowlers was coming back from injury... he was quick.
The inevitable happened, he struck a batsman right in the box - the batsman predictably went down in pain. We all stood around in mock sympathy as he grimaced and writhed. After a minute or so it was apparent that the pain was not receding. So our silly mid off / first aider (good combination!) investigated.
The cricket ball had split the box down the middle opening a crack wide enough for a fraction of a second to accept a substantial fold of skin, wherupon it closed again on said skin.
Took a screwdriver to reopen the crack and release the batsman, who, once he'd found a new box, continued his innings.
(Sat 15th Jul 2006, 4:47, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I have another...
Not so much embarrasing as just downright painful...

Far North Queensland is home to the Mud Crab. A beast that can grow 20cm across the shell with prize-fighter nippers that can crush beer bottles, take off toes etc. They are dangerous, but delicious!

Experienced Crabbers plant a bare foot on their backs and truss them up with a piece of string to render them 'mostly harmless'.

My mate, an experienced crabber, is carrying a hessian sack with 20 or so 'trussed' crabs back along a very lonely beach when one of them gets loose inside the sack and bites him - HARD - in the middle of the back, through the sack. Not surprisingly, he lets go of the sack, which then hangs by said claw. Ow!!

Two friends try to help, cutting a hole in the sack - even cutting off the crab's claw, but it remains locked on. Not until he's back to the car, and it's toolkit, do they manage to get the bugger off!
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 3:45, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I am crap at cricket
but that didn't stop me enjoying a came with the local C graders. We had an erratic, but fast bowler who used to do some damage.

One day he hits a batsman in the 'box'. The batsman falls away to leg and does the usual groaning and writhing on the ground while we all stand about and empathise, but this time it seems to go on, and on, and on!!

Our Silly Mid Off is a First Aider, so he takes a closer look. The impact of the ball has split the resin box, a split which had now closed on some very, very sensitive skin.

Took three blokes to pry it open with a couple of screwdrivers and set him free. After which he batted on! Man of steel!
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 3:30, More)

» Dad Jokes

I'd a dad (x3!)
And I love telling lame jokes - nothing beats the pained expression of your offspring as they realise you've set them up for another of your most pathetic jibes. I particularly like it when they say something is "cool" and I can reply, "no, actually I think you'll find it's rather hot" - equally devastating for all ages!
(Thu 11th Dec 2003, 2:25, More)

» Vomit Pt2

just how tough is corn?
The evening meal included corn. We were on a game fishing boat and moored overnight in a sheltered part of the Great Barrier Reef. This was a long time ago, before boats were required to store 'waste' on board and bring it back to shore, so what went down the toilet simply found its way out into the ocean.
The next morning, while everyone's still waking up, I got out the fly rod and started catching a few reef fish. A couple of the others came down to watch the fun as I tussled with a small cod. Brought it onto deck where it performed the natural 'gag' reflex and vomited it's last meal onto the deck between the three of us.
You guessed it - corn! Quite a bit of it. It's already been through one of us, floated around a bit, been eaten and then regurgitated by a fish and yet it still looked fine. We were tempted to gather it up and mix it into the baked beans for breakfast!
(Sat 9th Jan 2010, 9:36, More)
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