Hello b3ta

I've drawn you a cat face.
(Mon 12th Nov 2007, 2:19, More)

» Your Revenge Stories

At my university most of the dorms are co-ed, but a very few are girls-only.
I lived in a co-ed dorm, but the dorm next door to mine was all girls, and a lot of my friends lived there. They had a very strict 'no boys after 11 pm' rule, which everyone except the people in charge was usually willing to ignore, in sympathy to people with/trying to get boyfriends.

One of my good friends, however, had a roomate who pushed this rule just a little too far. She would bring gentlemen into the dorm at all hours of the night and early morning, often several at once. And these were not polite, respectable fellows.

My friend apparently tolerated this for about half a semester, as she didn't want to cause trouble and get busted for having her (very nice, very awesome) boyfriend stay over some weekends. One night her roomie brings home two drunk jock types, and proceeds to get frisky with only one. Leftover jock tries to molest my friend, gets told to get the hell out, threatens to assault her with cooking implements.

Obviously that was the last straw.

My friend enlists the help of me and numerous other friends of ours, all of whom (alas, myself included) happen to be in this university's art school. We scheme. We wait for an opportune moment, counting on this girl's utterly shameless behavior to be repeated.

Sure enough, next weekend, she leaves for a night of partying around 9 pm. We go to work. We finish up, and camp out in the room across the hall to see what there is to be seen. She is observed entering her room in the wee hours with four (count 'em, four!) large males. After about 5 minutes all four come barging out, horror on their faces, closely followed by the hussy, pleading ineffectually.

So what had we done? The metals major in our group of friends had managed to whip up a large set of chains and bars and things, which he had bolted to the ceiling directly above her bed. It was actually just a mess and wouldn't have held anyone (hey, we're art students, not engineers), but if you didn't actually examine it it looked like some awful S&M device.

The two photography majors, who happened to be gay, had taken some lovely black and white photographs of men in, er, compromising positions. With other men. These had been blown up to astonishing proportions using the art school plotter, and stuck to the walls of the offending side of the room.

A couple of the art students who were into bands and such (there are always tons of these in any art school) had whipped up some sound tracks of orgasmic vocal glee and mixed these with sounds of chainsaws and whippings. This was put on a CD and replaced the 'hot sex bad rap' CD this girl always kept in her stereo for such occasions.

Some other bits were added, such as satanic drawings involving male torment or other things that would creep out football-type college guys posted up all over the place (as the illustrator in the group, this was mostly my doing), creepy voodoo-looking dolls all over the bed, etc.

Too bad that the four guys she tried to seduce that night were all extremely popular in the circles she moved in. Some very interesting rumors got out very fast and went very far. And in addition to all the havoc this played with her social life, the Residence Adviser for her hall got to hear about it and wrote her up for having males in the dorm after hours.

God bless art students.

8 thousand apologies for length, I'm a loquacious bugger.
(Sun 16th May 2004, 6:38, More)

» Irrational Fears

I'm afraid of internal parasites, but I guess that's not irrational.
The irrational one is a friend of mine, who is afraid of both claymation and chickens.

Claymation I can understand, as it's a little freaky sometimes, in the sense that some people think clowns are a little freaky. But chickens? I've no idea. I don't even want to know what Freud would say about that.

Anyways, we took her to see Chicken Run without telling her what it was (Let's go see a movie. Which one? Oh, doesn't matter, Tom'll get the tickets, we'll get the food, and we'll just go see whatever he got), and 5 minutes into the movie she actually *ran* out of the theater, screaming and sobbing and scaring the unholy shit out of the many little kids present.

Chicken Run is a claymation movie about chickens, for those who don't know.
(Wed 28th Jan 2004, 0:43, More)

» Pet Stories

inexplicably phobic cat
When Izzy was a kitten, he was deathly afraid of small rectangular devices. Remote controls, calculators, cell phones, oversized erasers, anything around that size and rectangular would cause him to arch his back and dance away hissing.

Larger rectangles like newspapers and computers didn't bother him, nor did books. He was fine with doors. But get an iPod near him, and he'd treat it like a cobra.

Nobody has ever come up with a good explanation for this.
(Tue 12th Jun 2007, 1:15, More)

» Inventions You're Too Lazy To Make

I really think we could use this around the board.
A small device attached to every computer made, which delivers an electrical shock to the user whenever they type in 'lol', 'u', 'gr8', or other such alleged words. Perhaps it could also distinguish between 'your' and 'you're'.

The voltage would, of course, be non-lethal, so that conditioning could occur.
(Thu 8th Apr 2004, 0:04, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

my teacher lied, does that count?
my fourth grade teacher told us that the atom was the smallest form of anything.

i was a dork in fourth grade (er, and still am), so i piped up, "what about protons and neutrons and electrons? they're smaller. and what about quarks? they're smaller still."

i got yelled at. no idea why, as i was quite correct.

this teacher also once tried to get us to do a project that involved imagining you had travelled through the center of the earth. she yelled at me when i objected and said you'd burn up long before you got there.

teachers shouldn't give out such heinous misinformation. i bear a grudge to this very day.
(Wed 14th Jan 2004, 15:53, More)