» Schadenfreude

Worst. Date. Ever.
Had arranged to go for a drink with this girl I worked with a few years back - I thought it would be good to catch up, and she was fairly attractive. She organised the venue - a restaurant with an upstairs lounge/bar and dimmed mood lighting. All very posh.

What she hadn't told me was that in the last 3 years her eyesight had diminished to the point where she had a real problem adjusting to transitions from light to dark etc, effectively causing her blindness for a few minutes at a time when entering/exiting buildings.

We found the bar and went inside. The waitress took our booking and asked us to "follow her". I led the way, following the waitress down a dark corridor to a set of stairs and went up. Halfway there I heard a terrific crashing sound and (as a typical bloke) carried on regardless.

Got to the top only to find we had lost my date somewhere along the way. Turns out she completely missed the corridor and had stumbled blindly into the main restaurant straight into some diner's table knocking their cutlery, drinks and food flying.
When she finally made it upstairs, she managed to sit down on a low table (rather than the soft chairs next to it). If that wasn't bad enough, she sat down on the table right where a small (lit) candle had been placed and shot up rapidly with her arse on fire.

Could have gone better I thought.
(Thu 24th Dec 2009, 16:21, More)

» Where is the strangest place you have slept?

Walk-in freezer!
Err, on my year-out from my bachelors degree in Civil Engineering, I worked on site as a junior engineer on the construction of a large supermarket in Ryde on the Isle of Wight.

I was seeing this girl who lived in Ryde, and one Saturday afternoon in February decided I would see her and catch the last hovercraft or catermaran home. Things were going well until I realised it was midnight and panicked. She drove me to the ferry to see the last catermaran disembarking. Shit. So I asked her to drop me off at a local hotel which she did and drove off. Forgot that the Isle of Wight 'shuts-up-shop' at about 5pm. No-one answered. Double-shit. So I decided to walk the short 1 mile to a local club that I knew some mates were at. Bouncers wouldn't let me in. Triple shit. So walked the mile back to site at about 0230 and decided I would find somewhere to stay on site. Walked onto site and found a big walk-in freezer (not yet plugged in) to camp down for the rest of the night... Until the security guard and his leary looking dog discovered me after hearing some noise and rather sheepishly I explained the story and that I worked there. He let me sleep the remaining 3 hours of his shift in the portacabin.

Never been so cold in all of my life.
(Sun 31st Dec 2006, 22:32, More)