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» Schadenfreude

Take care when driving on ice..
..not in the recent snowy conditions but a few years ago I had a subaru impreza. It's the kind of car that attracts idiots who think you are up for racing all the time..

Anyhoo I was driving fairly gingerly due to snow and ice and had a pair of chavs in their modified piece of junk literally foaming at the mouth to get passed me.

They grabbed the moment as the single road opened into a dual carriageway to fly by - not knowing that there was a roundabout within about 20 metres!

Yes I arrived at the roundabout to see their car half way across the roundabout, nose pointing about 45 degrees in the air.

I did the only decent thing and beeped and waved as I went by them.

I then did the second decent thing by going round the roundabout several times beeping and waving.
(Sun 20th Dec 2009, 12:02, More)

» Inappropriate crushes

My primary school english teacher.
I had a crush on her and sent her a love letter.......



... she sent it back with spelling corrections.

*sniffs*
(Fri 29th Sep 2006, 16:06, More)

» Conversation Killers

Pubic grooming
Visualise the scene, about 8 or 9 workmates of various sexes in the pub one Friday lunchtime. One of the girls started to talk about her up and coming wedding. Everyone was rapt as she talked about the cake, all the catering, the reception, who's attending etc and she finally got on to describe her wedding dress. "Oh" she said "that reminds me I must trim by bush".

Of course the other girls in the pub were gob-smacked and several pints of beer was expelled through noses and down shirts before the whole place erupted in laughter.


Apparently, she was talking about the tree outside her front door as she didn't want to snag her new wedding dress on it.
(Mon 16th May 2011, 20:06, More)

» Strict Parents

My parents..
..came down on my like a ton of bricks

yours, Heather West
(Thu 8th Mar 2007, 16:23, More)

» The worst sex I ever had

Princess Diana..
Back of the ambulance going to the Hospital de la Pitie Salpetriere.


stiff old cow !!
(Sun 17th Jun 2007, 20:37, More)
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