b3ta.com user Kris Fucking Kristofferson
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Profile for Kris Fucking Kristofferson:
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Kudos to Happytoast

Kudos to Mofaha

Recent front page messages:

just when he thought it was over...

(Thu 17th Feb 2011, 15:29, More)


(Thu 18th Jun 2009, 11:57, More)

Just... a... spoonfull of Jihad makes the medicine go down...

(Thu 16th Apr 2009, 10:14, More)

The Origin of the Goose-Step

(Wed 27th Aug 2008, 9:38, More)


(Fri 15th Aug 2008, 17:22, More)

*pop* *pop* *pop*...

(Wed 31st Jan 2007, 16:41, More)

Repost for Compo

(Sat 2nd Apr 2005, 18:40, More)

We had two bags of grass,
seventy-five pellets of chloroplast, five sheets of high-powered blotter granum, a saltshaker half-full of mesophyll, and a whole galaxy of carbons, fibres, vitamins, proteins... Also, a quart of chlorphyll, a quart of thylakoid, a case of oxygen, a pint of raw carbon dioxide, and two dozen stomates.
The only thing that really worried me was the Oxygen. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a cow in the depths of a photosynthesis binge.

(Wed 16th Mar 2005, 11:52, More)

Jamies School Dinners

(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 14:08, More)


(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 12:43, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Well, that taught 'em

My sister
poured bleach into my goldfish bowl once so I put her terrapin upside down in the middle of the road.
(Thu 26th Apr 2007, 16:26, More)

» Shit Stories

My old man used to be a copper, he was called out to a burglary once at an old womens house, when he arrived she let him in and an Alsation dog followed, the dog proceded into the living room and sat in front of the fire,
my dad started talking to the old woman, during which the dog took a shit on the carpet, the old woman didnt say a word,
when he went to leave he was just about to get in his car when the woman shouted "Are you not going to take your dog with you?"
(Thu 6th May 2004, 11:21, More)

» Stuff You've Overheard

I was in a bookies once
and heard some daft bastards talking about the local greyhound track.
1st man "They cheat there, they move the traps closer to the rails!"
2nd man "The bastards"
1st man "Aye, one time I went down and said to the guy, why dont you move the traps into the middle a bit more?"
2nd man "What did he say?"
1st man "Why dont you fuck off"
(Wed 9th Jun 2004, 23:50, More)

» Job Interviews

I went to sign on at New Deal
As I had done for the previous 10 months, when during my interview the New Deal bloke said he had got me a job interview.
I was very pleased and asked where and when, he replied, here and now. I was wearing a pair of un-ironed jeans, trainers, spunk-covered Pyjama top and scruffy jacket, topped with an unshaven chin and ratty cap. In the bag I thought.
I went into the interview with 8 other candidates all wearing suits, gel and smellies and began.
After the main form filling in, they handed round a yellow form with which to write down "Criminal Convictions".
Everyone else ticked "No" put the form down and sat back, whilst I spent 5-10 mins filling it in crouched over in shame.

I got the Job.
(Wed 26th Jan 2005, 16:27, More)

» That's me on TV!

Katie Hill
About 12 years ago I was on Look North (Local News Channel),
In shot, behind Katie Hill doing the good old invisible cock in cheek routine, while she talked away to a reporter about The Great North Dog Walk.
This inevitabley made me a legend for the following week and was possibly my finest moment to date.
(Tue 16th Jun 2009, 16:54, More)
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