b3ta.com user DrPoppers
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I can't read or write porperly.
I have recently been voted European Gentle Lover of the year, thank you.

This tache took me a month to grow.

Recent front page messages:

Brian wasn't convinved his new monocle improved his appearance

(Tue 12th Aug 2003, 7:33, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Dodgy work ethics

Web filters
I set up a filtering web proxy at work to stop the oiks from watching porn and gambling and what not. I asked my assistant to test it and see if he could through. 3 hours of hacking away and he reported it was working extremely well, no dodgy sites were seen.

When he went for lunch I printed the list of dog porn sites he'd been trying to get at and left it on my bosses desk as a 'report' of what he'd been looking at on the internet. Happy days.
(Thu 7th Jul 2011, 19:57, More)

» Heckles

I went to see a band called the Sandkings
many years ago in a local pub. They were really, really rubbish. The area in front of the stage was deserted. I moved a small table and chair in front of it, sat down and started doing the crossword. At the end of the song the singer asked me if I had any respect for them. I responded with the reply 'You sir, are a talentless cunt'. Turns out I saw him again a few years later, it was Jaz Mann the prick from Babylon Zoo. I still stand by my words.
(Thu 6th Apr 2006, 20:56, More)

» Irrational Fears

I am scared of dwarves. I was in a McDonalds recently and a bloke tapped me on the small of my back. I turned around and it was a dwarf. I actually had to be sick.

It is not nice.

(Thu 29th Jan 2004, 10:13, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Two of note
The 'Golf' hotel in Warwickshire somewhere, first thing to be seen when walking through the door was a pitbull chewing the plaster off a wall and also pissing on it at same time. It got renamed Borstal.

The Americana in Skegness, the radiators were at 150 degrees, I got sat in the dining room (someones lounge) next to a woman in a wheelchair who forced me into said radiator due to a complete lack of room and hence burning the skin off my elbow. She couldn't cut her food up as 'she was too shaky' so her husband did. She wasn't too fucking shaky to make a roll up half way through breakfast.

Also not a bad hotel when they arrived, however this changed. Being too pissed to get into his room, a mate of mine slept on the settee in the hall outside his room. He awoke there in the morning stark bollock naked having scratched 'FUCK OFF' into the wall with his key.
Same night a mate of mine shat his bed.
(Sat 19th Jan 2008, 15:17, More)

» Now, there was no need for that...

At work one day,
we were going to site with a particularly arsey customer, we had been there the day before and had grief all day. We promised we would be back at 8:30 the next morning. We arrived around 10, the guy comes up to us and shouts 'You should have been here at 8:30', the numpty with me asks him 'Why? What happened?'

Cunt, we got a thoroughly miserable day with no tea out of the fucker.
(Fri 17th Jun 2005, 9:16, More)
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