» Clients Are Stupid

Computer Repair Nightmares
Client 1) Calls me to say the computer she just bought from me isn't working and there is nothing on the screen. Not thinking that she would be this stupid, I call round to find that the monitor hasn't been switched on.

Client 2) Calls me to say that their coffee cup holder has broken. Completely baffled I call round to find that the client has used the CD-ROM to hold her coffee which has snapped under the weight, coffee everywhere.

Client 3) Calls me to say their laptop keeps turning itself off. On inspection a dried, decapitated cockroach was found in the cooling fan. Once removed the machine worked fine. What's worse is the client was a Hotelier and immediately insisted that the cockroach must have got in the machine when they took the laptop on holiday one year.

Client 4) asked me to come and look at her computer which she had recently bought and when it broke the shop she bought it from wouldn't fix it because they suspected her dogs had urinated on it. The client said this wasn't possible because the computer was in a cabinet. When I arrived, the air became thicker and thicker with an amonia smell until I arrived in the kitchen where the amonia was so strong it cut through my lungs like a sythe. This was where she had her computer, 3 poodle puppies (walking in their own urine and faeces) and 3 poodles. There were several other poodles somewhere because I could hear their yelps. Needless to say, I made my excuses and left in a hurry. I could hear her saying as I left "I can't understand it, your the 4th person I've called who hasn't fixed my problem." We called Environmental Health later on that day to be told that they were already aware of the problem because neighbours couldn't bear the smell.

Client 5) Calls me to come and fix his Electronic typewriter. I inform him that I only fix computers but he's insistant and says he's willing to pay £50 if I can fix it. When I arrive, he shows me that when the machine is turned on, and after he's pressed a few keys to load some paper and some more to print, it feeds the paper through without printing. Not quite believing his stupidity, I ask him to repeat these steps. I interupt him after he's loaded the paper and type "h-e-l-l-o". I ask him to continue and sure enough, it prints "hello" on the paper. He'd forgotten to write his letter before printing.

I probably have others if you really want them.
(Thu 1st Jan 2004, 23:09, More)