» Accidental innuendo

Mmmmm! Salty!
Unfortunately I tend to do this quite a lot and am generally the last to realise until I look at the faces of surrounding peeps who are laughing so hard they wee a little. My more recent ones have included shouting 'I'm going up the chocolate aisle' across a busy supermarket to my bemused friend and 'I used to love young farmers balls' when discussing my teenage enjoyment of barn dances. My absolute best was more a slip of the tongue though (oooo er missus!) when I asked for some salty cock porn at the cinema.

Am I living in a carry on film?
Mnah!
(Thu 12th Jun 2008, 12:47, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

My Mum
Another shitty day at work, feeling rather down on the world and couldn't wait to get home and hide under a duvet until the doom and gloom subsided. My phone beeped. Twas a text from my mum:

'You're young, clever, beautiful inside and out, a hard worker, a loving daughter and a ray of sunshine in this world. You are worth your weight in gold and have the strength of character to achieve everything you want in life and I am proud of you and love you very much. Xxx'


From nowhere at just the right time. She really does rock this world.

Since then I occasionally send random texts to the people I love telling them how much they mean to me as I now know that being told you are something special in somebody elses eyes (if not always your own) is flipping wonderful and can mean the difference between another crappy day cursing the world and having a little happy cry and feeling all fluffy inside. :-)
(Mon 6th Oct 2008, 11:42, More)

» The nicest thing someone's ever done for me

My Dad
Who, since being diagnosed with cancer last year, has done all in his power to make it easy on all of us by being eternally positive and a comedy genuis when it comes to all things cancer-related. For cracking jokes the day after major surgery to put a smile on my step-mums face. For refusing to let the lack of many important internal body parts stop him from feeding his (adult) children vast amounts of lovely wine and enjoying a glass or two himself. For still being here. Thats the best bit. Thanks Dad. You are a star.
(Mon 6th Oct 2008, 13:35, More)

» I'm going to Hell...

Hell for biccies
I liked the iced shortie biscuits at Sunday school so licked them when all the other good little childers were praying. Mwah ha ha ha haaaa!
(Mon 15th Dec 2008, 16:44, More)

» Food sabotage

Theres a hair in my pie
My 'friends' once offered to make pudding for the 1st Christmas dinner we made in our student flat. I suppose we should have been suspicious when they turned up with a pizza box but when we opened it there was a delicious looking 'apple' pie complete with homemade pastry and sugar on top so we though no more about it and proceeded to get majestically pissed and stuff ourselves with turkey etc. The pie was then brought to the table along with brandy butter and ice cream. Yum! We thought. This would be the perfect end to a lovely evening. Imagine our horror when discovering whilst cutting into delicious pie that it was filled with hair. Human hair. Collected by the so called 'friends' from the local hairdressers and baked fresh that day. Oh how they laughed at the notion of bringing a hair pie to our ladies only flat. One of their girlfriends was so incensed that she didn't speak to him for a week. I laughed. A lot. They managed to sneak it out of the bin and into our freezer which we didn't discover for a few days which was nice. Beware of pies in pizza boxes!
(Fri 19th Sep 2008, 11:12, More)