» Your Greatest Dilemmas

Melon Twister.............
Do I........

Marry my very faithful fiancee at a ridiculously expensive wedding I have already paid for in the Bahamas at the end of June.

Or do I cop off with the 32e chested 18yr old A-level student that is offering it to me on a plate at the moment.

Or do I do both.....

A. Potentially wrecking a very good relationship (if she finds out)

and

B. Binning a girl who is totally besotted with me bang in the middle of her a levels.


Hellppppppp meeeeeeeeeeeeee
(Wed 19th May 2004, 13:18, More)

» Best Comebacks

More ex-girlfriendyness
My ex and I unfortunately have to travel into London on the same train in a morning, We manage to avoid each other most of the time. The last time we spoke we had managed to avoid each other for some months.....When I saw her I remembered about my laptop the bitch had kept and I asked for it back.

Packed train....

Her..."No, youre so bloody greedy only interested in you and your things"

Me. "Yeah well, I've banged you up the arse"

You could hear jaws dropping 3 carriages down.
(Fri 30th Apr 2004, 11:39, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Finger detachment for dummies....vol1
Well very simple....

1. Take one R/C helicopter with broken clutch.
2. Insert little finger into tail rotor spinning at 5000rpm (you can do this entirely unintentionally, its up to you)
3. Spend better part of 5 hours having end of finger re-attached.


Clicky Pic for bigness
(Tue 7th Sep 2004, 14:50, More)

» Pure Ignorance

Another special one.....
On friday afternoon I asked my PA to order some new office furniture. She wanders into my office and says....."I wonder how tall these 5ft cabinets are.....?"

This from the same woman who asked her boyfriend "which flat was built first, ours or the one upstairs..?"

You gotta love her......(She has a nice arse though)..!
(Sat 8th Jan 2005, 16:26, More)

» Foot in Mouth Syndrome

celeb gaffe & ground swallower
One very very snowy night stuck at didcot station, a kind chap offered to buy me a cup of tea after the twunt behind the counter would not accept a cheque and it was about minus 12 and not a cash point in sight.

We were stood talking for about an hour and was telling me about what he did for a living, he mentioned he was in the clothing industry.

I mentioned to said chap "you want to get yourself down to that clothes show thing, you'll learn a thing or two about fashion there"

his reply......."get down to it!, I f****** present it!" .... It was Geoff Banks....... Oops
(Thu 22nd Apr 2004, 16:40, More)