b3ta.com user Cromagnon
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Recent front page messages:

Harold couldn't wait to get her home...

edit: A FP - gosh... ta!
(Sun 20th Jun 2004, 15:39, More)

Cecil rarely ventured out into the hood unless he was properly dressed.

edit: muchas gracias burro magico!
(Mon 22nd Sep 2003, 19:16, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Stuff You've Overheard

A friend of mine was coming back from Australia to the UK. As he went up an escalator towards the security gates, he passed two Australians coming down the other one away from arrivals. As they passed, he heard one say to the other:

"...so there's these two dyslexic gay policemen who own an animal sanctuary..."

and he never saw them again. He's spent the last four years trying to reconstruct the punchline.
(Thu 10th Jun 2004, 22:45, More)

» Have you ever been rude to a celebrity?

When I was 5 or so
my dad got me very excited by saying that one of the Goodies were coming round for tea. For some reason, our next door neighbours at the time were good friends with Tim Brooke-Taylor - and having heard that he was paying them a visit, my dad invited him round ("My young son's a huge fan of the Goodies"...etc. etc.) At the appointed hour TBT arrived and my mum sat him down with a cup and called me in from the next room. I saw who it was, burst into tears and ran away, shouting "He's the wrong one! I wanted the funny one with the beard!". I have no idea what my folks talked about after that, but he didn't stay very long.
(Wed 14th Apr 2004, 21:08, More)

» My Worst Vomit

Once, during a night on the piss
for a dare I covered myself in feathers and promtly ate three pounds of unhulled millet, four packets of sunflower seeds and a whole cuttlefish bone. Later I was sick as a parrot.
(Thu 19th Aug 2004, 21:27, More)

» Lies Your Parents Told You

A scottish friend of mine was told by his dad that jam was blown into the middle
of doughnuts with straws by an army of old ladies in Cowdenbeath as part of a government scheme to cut down unemployment.
(Sun 18th Jan 2004, 20:33, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

Absolutely apocryphal, probably, but
a medic friend at college once talk me about an elderly gent who'd appeared in casualty one day in an ambulance. He was very polite, and explained very clearly to the nurse that he'd inserted an object into his rectum in an attempt to relieve the pain of an ongoing hernia problem. There are apparently procedures for the removal of such things, so very quickly a nurse and doctor team were busy with the forceps. They were a little shocked when they removed seemed to be an artillery shell of some kind, but the old gent said it was a war memento from when he was an anti-aircraft gunner. It was a training round, he said, and therefore he'd kept it on his desk for the last fifty years as a paperweight, and when the pain had started it has the nearest thing to hand. The patient, much relieved, was carted off for observation. In the meantime the shell had fallen over on a bench in the consulting room, and the triage nurse returned to find a foot-wide hole blown in the wall behind.
(Thu 2nd Sep 2004, 21:28, More)
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